Archive for Women

She comes around again.

Posted in women with tags , , , , , , on May 28, 2017 by MISANTHROPIST

A while back I was writing about the women in my life. I accepted whatever loses occurred as it’s part of meeting people. I’ve played the game enough to know there are always fall outs. It’s part of life and while I may miss them as people I’m not going be upset about it. What I did not expect however was one to come back. 

I say that but I ended the post ‘A minus’ by saying that I’d hear from her again, maybe I partly knew this would happen. I’m guessing it didn’t work out why that guy she was seeing. I’m not really a fan of hot and cold, generally I stay warm. That chemistry I was unsure of is right back, this is why I kick myself for not trusting my gut at times.

We’ve spoken for the last few days and it’s nice to hear from her. She definitely wants something. I know what it is. She’s only half shy about it. I’ve been nice, I haven’t thrown her suddenly reappearance in her face. It is kinda funny to me that now she wants to know. This isn’t the first time with her, she goes away and comes back. 

Always comes back. I had thought last time was the last time. I entertain her because I like her as a person, I mean yeah we could fuck but I don’t have to. She’s good company clothed or not. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Men often complain that women don’t make their intentions clear, this is not the case with her.

She ended up asking me to go out, I discovered that we have very similar tastes in food which makes things smoother. One thing I do like about her is she’s not hard to please. We’ll have a nice night whatever we end up doing. I will go out with her as a friend and see what kind of night we have. As I see it there’s a reason she keeps coming back. I see no harm in spending some time with her.

-Misanthropist.

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A positive.

Posted in Relationships, women with tags , , , , on April 12, 2017 by MISANTHROPIST

I have managed a plus out of all this, I met a lovely woman who I would say I respect and admire. There was some progress with her but it’s too soon to tell if it matters less than I believe or maybe it’ll change in the future. I will be genuinely upset if it goes nowhere but yeah I’m pretty sure its not something you do with everyone.

I find myself genuinely caring what she thinks about me. Enough to explain myself. I also find myself caring when she feels bad. She has her days despite being as strong as she is. I actually find myself missing her when she’s away. I developed feelings for her quite quickly, which isn’t normal for me, I liked her a lot when we met but I’m guessing that grew into attraction by the way I’m talking about her. Like I said before she’s an exceptional woman and honestly I don’t see why she’s alone.

If I have my way she won’t stay that way for too long. In a way I think I’m trying to prove a point that I care about her and want her to be happy, that’s she’s wanted. I never understood why the most beautiful women think they’re ugly even when they don’t say it. Why the most most exceptional ones think they’re nothing special. She would tell me it’s all perspective. I kinda like that she’s a smart ass. Makes me smile.

I wonder where this all come from but at the same time I know. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who is so similar to myself but different at the same time. Fucking beautiful too. She doesn’t smile much but the eyes say it all sometimes. If all goes right I could see myself being very happy with her but again it’s early days. At this point all I can do is show her I am for real.

You lose some you win some or at least make progress. I think it’s important to stress that it’s not all shit. 

-Misanthropist.

Meeting women, relationships and acknowledgements.

Posted in Relationships, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 24, 2017 by MISANTHROPIST

In recent months I’ve had a pretty rough time relationship wise, now that’s not an issue any more. During the months after we broke up I thought to myself that it might be smart to get to know other women. I went into that situation with absolutely zero expectations. Some I contacted first and others contacted me.

During that time I met several very different women. All of them unique in their own ways. I’ve made good friends and there are some I’m interested in and at least two I find fascinating. I have to give them their dues in some way because they’ve each helped me get back to where I am now.

In a lot of ways I’ve improved myself but each of these women has played their part. There’s the sweet one she’s a religious woman and although we don’t agree on religion if there’s a heaven I’m pretty sure this one deserves a place there. I can see us remaining friends for a long time despite our differences.

There’s another, she was quite nervous at first, seemed sad. Like me just got out of a relationship. We spoke a lot and I didn’t really expect it to go much further than that but as I got to know her better she revealed herself to me, very talented chef. Sweet, caring etc. Suddenly out of nowhere there’s fire between us. I’m still not really sure how it happened.

There’s a woman from Poland but we’ve only ever emailed eachother. She’s like a pen pal really,  I get an email once a week so the pace is slow but it’s been nice to get to know her. I look forward to her emails. I usually try to reply to her on Sunday. It gives me an activity, you know how I hate Sundays.

Then there’s the one who only calls me when she’s drunk. There was always a thing between us but she’s kinda stuck, I know she likes me but I’m pretty sure she’s seeing someone. Hence she calls when she’s drunk. It’s a damn shame really because I’ve always liked her and will always have time for her. I just give her shit about calling me when she’s sober.

Another, a Chinese national. I haven’t spoken to her in a while but I should get ahold of her, she’s a good friend who was going through a tough time with a death in the family. This woman is extremely intelligent and I can say she’s taught me quite a bit in the time I’ve known her. I’m happy that she and her family are doing better now.

Then we have this one, obviously the one I’m fascinated with is hard to get. This woman is exceptionally talented creativity speaking. She managed to get me to appreciate art which is an achievement in itself. I can’t really find the words to describe this one. We are very similar in many ways, the first month of knowing her was spent with her stealing the words from my mouth. The first time we spoke she threw me entirely off guard and as she opened up she showed me her soul, truly an exceptional woman. Likes to challenge me. Accent like a Bond villain.

I’ve met many women from all different races, countries and backgrounds and each of them has contributed to myself in some way or another. Each of them have my respect, not as women but as people.  Each of them unique and beautiful in their own ways. The other thing I wanted to mention is that it’s damn hard to make male friends. Usually single serving if at all.

The other thing I noticed is that it’s amazing what cleaning yourself up can do. That’s when things really started. I’d met these women and they were great friends with me. As soon as I was far enough out of my hole to bother cleaning myself up I got a lot more interest. I guess I scrub up well. That’s when the drunk phone calls started despite her giving me shit not two weeks earlier for being drunk while talking to her.

I’m no stranger to the opposite sex but I have to admit it’s been weird to have so many interested. I must be doing something right. The other thing I’ve noticed with all of them in my life I’m actually a happier person, they each contribute to that in one way or another. I actually never realised being single was okay. I’ll admit I’ve grown fond of all of them and I plan to keep them in my life regardless of a relationship forming. I hope that’s possible and it should be because we are friends before anything else.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that none of these women are originally from England. My favourite drunk caller is of African descent, beautiful woman, great laugh and pain in my ass but aren’t all the best ones? I don’t know why I do so badly with English women. Granted I get looks but rarely goes any further than that with an English girl. That’s not something I’m bothered by if I’m honest.

My relationships have always been with women from outside of my own country. Even those with similar cultures have taught me much. I like the differences in culture, food and more. If they like you enough you’ll be treated to lots of new food. There’s also that moment when she’s in bed tired and can’t English anymore. To be honest I find these moments rewarding.

I don’t mind a little bit of teasing, it’s a good laugh. When she makes fun of you for being English and you do the same to her. I told her already that she sounds like a Bond villain. It’s the things like that which make the relationship between you more rewarding.

All this said my strangest experience with an Arab woman. There was a lot of fire between us and we genuinely liked eachother. At one point she said I was too white. Something I’ve heard from women of other ethnicities. Usually poking fun at me, not something that even registers beyond making me laugh. She disappeared later which is when it clicked in my head that’s she’s a Muslim, and I’m pretty sure from what I know of her parents that they would not be be cool with her seeing me. I don’t blame her or anything. It’s a damn shame because I liked her a lot in the time we knew eachother but yeah I wouldn’t want to get her in trouble.

In all it’s been a rewarding experience meeting new women and getting my act together. There’s obviously more female friends than male at this point, but a few will even smash back beers with me so I’m not exactly lacking in that area. Would be screwed if I was into sports though.

I started to write this post basically to acknowledge the postive impact all these women have had on my life recently. They’ve made me happier and in ways they’ve helped me love myself. Even if I feel personally there isn’t much they see something in me which means I can’t be so bad.   After meeting all these amazing women I’m not in a rush to enter into anything.

-Misanthropist.

Do you like Pina Coladas?

Posted in Love, The Internet., women with tags , , , , , on January 17, 2017 by MISANTHROPIST

The strangest thing happened to me today, I posted on a popular website to meet new people as I’d been alone lately. A woman answered me from Europe and I replied, 12 hours later she got back to me and told me where she was from. In the same message she asked my name which I provided.

She said she could relate to my post a lot with what had been going on in her life. I felt like I knew her, it felt very familiar. She replies with my full name and I return with my nickname for her. It turns out to be my ex girlfriend who I just broke up with.

We talked a lot after that, I thought she would just stop replying but we talked and had the most meaningful conversation we’ve had in months. I’ve felt nothing but either determined, pissed off or caffeinated for a while now so you can imagine. Suddenly emotions.

We reconciled and she seems to have grown since we have been away. We spoke the whole evening and we were honest with one another, I feel like this she hasn’t let me in like this in a while. A few things occurred to me during the conversation that may be important. 

If we hadn’t spoken today we may not have spoken for months or ever. She said she almost deleted it because she was tired but she finished it before bed. Today she told me she loved me and when she found out other women were interested she opened up and said she was afraid of losing me. 

She was afraid that by the time she is okay it will be too late. I’ll be gone and she isn’t half wrong. I could have easily done so if I had to. It’s been a fucking weird day for me. We’re not back together but this is a start. She needs to learn to let me in, I know it’s not on purpose.

She said that people haven’t been the best to her when she opened up in the past. I promptly reminded her that I’m not people. I pointed out how she spoke about loving me, fell asleep with me and spoke about us having a life together but she hasn’t let me in. Paradox much?

She seemed to understand this logic. Again a step forward. She’s changed a little and for the better but she’s still herself. I do see through her, I just wish she would tell me rather than let me read her. I’m willing to be patient and assured her that I’m not going to disappear on her. She misses me and loves me, I guess that’s a start.

She finally dropped the bullshit and pulled back when she realised I could see someone else. Why should it have taken so much for her to do this. I had to reassure her that of all people I will accept her for who she is and how she feels. Does she not think that’s important to me?

I have to get the fucking difficult ones… despite being difficult she’s a sweet woman. Warm, caring in her own way. I guess we’ll see where it goes. This lifts a weight off me, I’ll admit.

I still don’t like pina coladas though…

-Misanthropist.

My thoughts, these walls, this night.

Posted in Business, General, Useless information., Work with tags , , , , , , on January 13, 2017 by MISANTHROPIST

I’m not usually awake at this hour anymore, let alone writing and that’s because I sleep like a real person. I’m finally used to being alone and since I began succeeding in my endeavours I’ve slept the sleep of the dead. 

I’m a manager and business co-owner, ain’t life just awful strange? How loss translates into motivation, how I ended up here. Sometimes I think about where I will go from here. I appear to have success in a business environment. 

I’m looking at two pay days in the next month. One final payment  from unemployment and two separate payments related to the job. I should use this extra money wisely. 

In terms of meeting new people it’s been mostly internet based for the moment. I’m selling myself pretty well but how many times must I sell myself before all my pieces are gone. It gets tiring putting the effort into what is likely to amount to nothing. 

Then again I got three relationships and travelled the world as a result of meeting people on the internet so I know it can pay off. It’s a total crapshoot however and you’re likely to go through a lot of people before you find one you connect with and even then nothing is promised.

On an unrelated note it snowed today, it hasn’t snowed here in longer than I can remember. As the snow fell around me I thought of her for a moment. Then I was as cold as the snow falling from the sky. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and never repeat them. 

Today saw me get soaking wet three times then snowed on, my friend waited outside the store for 20 minutes while I was shopping. I have no idea what possessed him to do that but I stopped asking questions a long time ago. It’s a shame it had been raining all day otherwise the snow may have settled.

I’m definitely in a strange place right now in terms of the way I feel about everything. At one point I’m pleased with myself and what progress I have made. Then again of all the things I did fix I couldn’t fix that which truly mattered to me. 

Someone can be your whole world one day and a stranger the next, if life has taught me anything it’s that the futures we plan with the ones we love are not reliable. I’ve planned 3 now so I feel as if I’m speaking from experience. 

All I can do is take action to better myself and my economic situation. This is my first step onto the ladder and there is no way I’m going to let anything mess this up. Especially not being upset about her, I really don’t have time for that. This will be a time of work, focus and learning.

I’ll be applying this to my own businesses one day. Let’s give her something to regret. Nothing will take precedence over looking after myself and becoming successful. Unfortunately my bank balance is more reliable than love. 

I remember thinking you can have money or happiness. I went for love and happiness, it didn’t work out multiple times so now I’m going for money. I don’t need the kind of love where you give up on the other person because things got hard. I don’t need the love of a coward.

When she’s gone I’m left with myself. I began to ask myself logically what she brought to the table and when I examine it, it isn’t much. If I were to pursue another relationship I’d want it to be with an equal. Not a glass rose. 

That is one thing I do miss about the Brazilian. We both shared that fire, both have strong personalities. Had it not gone south we would have been a great couple to this day because we were well suited. Two lions. I have days where I miss that woman.

I have to stop looking back and focus on what is in front. I need to create the rituals for massive fucking success. When I get there I’ll be proud, then I can focus on finding a plus one.

-Misanthropist. 

1 new message.

Posted in Business, women, Work with tags , , , , , , , on January 5, 2017 by MISANTHROPIST


I’m lying there in bed contemplating the last 48 hours and what went down in Liverpool Street when I hear the vibration of a message on my phone. When I first broke up with my ex part of me wanted it to be her saying she’s back…

I’ve thrown myself into the fire and now I’m not sure which woman is messaging me. I know how that sounds but I have a degree of emotional intelligence and respect for women. I’m not going to screw them around. We are friends and there are some sparks but right now is not the time. I do have my favourites however.

It feels strange to have so many women actively interested. 7 so far I think. My ex, when we spoke became interested when I mentioned one of these women is from Norway. Scandinavian rivalry maybe? All I can say is: how’d you like me now. 

I have a bet on with a friend regarding my ex, it’s for about £50. I’m pretty sure I’ll win this. When she next contacts me it’ll be about how she’s met some guy and they’re in love. If that’s the case then I guess our relationship wasn’t so strong in the first place.

If you’re wondering why it seems like I have so little faith, it’s because I’ve seen it happen before. They meet the new guy, get the feelies, it goes wrong and I get a message about them missing me and wanting to come back. Once the door is closed, it is locked and with good reason.

Back to the point: the message read that as well as a part owner of the business I’m also the manager now. Just awaiting a draft of the contract. The other night it hit me that I’ve never been so sad to be successful. I played my ace and won.

You win some and you lose some. I’m surprised sometimes that I have the tenacity to continue. I’ve met people that have truly given up and in part it breaks my heart that someone just gave up. I’ve been told that they’re surprised all this hasn’t had a greater negative impact.

There’s the scars you see and the scars you don’t see. I have enough of both. They’ve made me who I am today and allowed me to succeed where others have failed. I’m made of tougher materials, I am the sum of my experiences.

I’m sitting here now thinking of the newbie I’m going to manage. I don’t know him or her. I want a good relationship with this newbie. They’ll be the Watson to my Sherlock. I guess only time will tell. 

What I do know is that if this kicks off as planned I will not have to worry about money. Just how and where to spend it. 

Look at me. I am your manager now.

-Misanthropist.

Holding down the fort.

Posted in General, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on December 28, 2016 by MISANTHROPIST


These be sour times.

So again we spoke today, just now. It seems I was right and what I said hit home for her and caused her to rethink everything. She’s suffering and even now all I want to do is comfort her. It’s hard to know that I can’t do anything about it. Then again it’s her problem and we’re here because of her.

I do sincerely hope she’ll be okay but yeah I can’t concern myself with it. I have to think of number one now. Obviously I’m having feelings of regret and emptiness. The worst of all is sleeping alone, as a result I haven’t slept well since we broke up. 

I sleep the sleep of the dead usually, nothing brothers me enough to keep me awake. Nothing whatsoever. This has me unable to sleep. It has me wishing I had someone in this bed with me. I know I have to be strong and hold down the fort. 

This time of night is the worst.

-Misanthropist.