Archive for shit

When she’s out of town

Posted in General, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on April 16, 2012 by MISANTHROPIST
Semi-relevant picture

Semi-relevant picture

For most people I know their woman going out-of-town to visit her folks or family is supposed to be some sort of golden opportunity. A time of drinking, porn or chess if board games are your thing. For me it has been pretty crap. Sure I had a good Thursday night but for the most part I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t really do anything that I wouldn’t normally do. The only thing that really stood out from anything was her absence.
I guess I never realized until now how much I depend on her.

I’m not exactly sure whether that’s good or bad. I have bad friends, poor at best and abysmal at worst. So it isn’t like I have a good group of friends to fall back on in times of loneliness. It’s something like two or three to be honest with you it’s so bad that I don’t even bother counting anymore. Words to describe my friends: unreliable, undesirable, retard, annoying and mostly absent.

I realize that I depend on her not just as a partner but also as a best friend. I can vent when I’m annoyed, we can talk when I feel like crap, she is entertaining and I can actually have intelligent conversation with her that doesn’t involve this seasons hot new look or what’s in this issue of Vogue. I’ve missed simple things like that. Another thing I’ve really missed is her cooking. I mean damn I can cook an amazing meal but some of the things she’s cooked are something else.

I need her around a lot more than I first realized, not just the physical side but also the mental stimulation that very few people in my life can provide. The conversation is second to none and when she’s around I’m not just an asshole, I’m her asshole. Is it sad that I’m smiling while writing this?
Anyway I realized a lot this last week. I’m definitely not as immune to loneliness as I used to be and I know just how much I appreciate having her around. All in all not having her around has really sucked.



Interesting Developments…

Posted in America, England, Job hunting, Love, Misanthropy, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on January 25, 2012 by MISANTHROPIST

Or as somebody very dear to me puts it:
“welcome to the world.”

I’m back in England and nowhere near happier for it. I hit british soil and at the same time the realization hits me. I’m back to the reality of the dingey shit hole I happen to call home, don’t get me wrong it’s nice to see family and all but recently being “reminded” I need to get a job hasn’t really helped my mood. I already know I need a damn job but I’m settling back in.

The people I call my friends are as boring as ever, they’re drinking a little more now. Maybe the depression is setting into all of us, maybe I was just an early bloomer. I don’t really feel at home to be honest. It’s nice to see family and friends but it’s just not what I used to anymore. I can’t sit at home because It’s weird being alone now and I don’t have my woman to keep me company. I find myself going crazy at home.

Some of my misanthropy disappeared it seems as I find myself seeking comfort from others to deal with the shock of settling back in. All this to no avail of course. As I said my friends are uninteresting and want to drink to excess, something I’ve grown tired of. I don’t enjoy alcohol as much nowadays.
I’m still smoking, got to quit that.

I finally got a phone, not that I’ll have many people I want to talk or give out my number too.
I finally have a cell, what opportunities will this bring me?
I get the feeling it’ll be a viewing glass for drama and a seldom used messenger device. One good thing is it has the internet. I’d like and iPhone but what is the point?

I think I’m going to take my job hunt more seriously, I think I’ll look for something part-time or agency related so I can get in and out of jobs when it fits my transatlantic schedule. For the most part I’m quite pissed off but I need money, I have objectives and I need to get fit and stay that way.

London is looking bleaker than ever, I think it has just hit me how depressing this place is, I could do with some of that clonazepam. It is infinitely dreary and depressing here. I hate it more than ever and I miss america more than ever. I can’t get used to living here anymore. The whole experience of settling into London life is getting me in a rut.

Things in England are as shitty as ever, it feels like I’ve changed but this place has gotten worse, is there any feeling worse than feeling alien in your own country. Feels like I’m back in the stone age. It sucks.

Well at least I’ll have plenty to post about,