Archive for people

A positive.

Posted in Relationships, women with tags , , , , on April 12, 2017 by MISANTHROPIST

I have managed a plus out of all this, I met a lovely woman who I would say I respect and admire. There was some progress with her but it’s too soon to tell if it matters less than I believe or maybe it’ll change in the future. I will be genuinely upset if it goes nowhere but yeah I’m pretty sure its not something you do with everyone.

I find myself genuinely caring what she thinks about me. Enough to explain myself. I also find myself caring when she feels bad. She has her days despite being as strong as she is. I actually find myself missing her when she’s away. I developed feelings for her quite quickly, which isn’t normal for me, I liked her a lot when we met but I’m guessing that grew into attraction by the way I’m talking about her. Like I said before she’s an exceptional woman and honestly I don’t see why she’s alone.

If I have my way she won’t stay that way for too long. In a way I think I’m trying to prove a point that I care about her and want her to be happy, that’s she’s wanted. I never understood why the most beautiful women think they’re ugly even when they don’t say it. Why the most most exceptional ones think they’re nothing special. She would tell me it’s all perspective. I kinda like that she’s a smart ass. Makes me smile.

I wonder where this all come from but at the same time I know. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who is so similar to myself but different at the same time. Fucking beautiful too. She doesn’t smile much but the eyes say it all sometimes. If all goes right I could see myself being very happy with her but again it’s early days. At this point all I can do is show her I am for real.

You lose some you win some or at least make progress. I think it’s important to stress that it’s not all shit. 

-Misanthropist.

London attack 

Posted in Death, England, Terrorism with tags , , , , , , , on March 23, 2017 by MISANTHROPIST

I haven’t written a post about any current event for a long time, unfortunately the one time I do it’s a terrorist attack. Thankfully nobody I know was harmed, very few harmed at all. I imagine that’s no condolence for the families of those killed yesterday. Fortunately officers managed to lay him the fuck out before he could kill anybody else.

The sun came up today and London continued as it would on any other day. It’s just a shame that we live in a world where this sort of thing is a possibility. That said Trump taking Khan’s comments out of context… unfortunately we live in a world where President Trump is also a possibility. I’m too focused on cleaning the shit in my own backyard to offer my condolences to those who did not vote for him. At least your President was voted for.

In the wake of this attack I am left with many questions. Questions about the nature of the attack itself, what new measures will be put in place under ‘national security.’ 

Then there’s Facebook, the filter which I personally find half assed as a show of unity. Solidarity just a click away but hey whatever makes people feel better. Then there’s the whole report yourself as safe feature, never seen this one before. The idea in principle is a good one but if you’re unemployed and from Watford I know you’re safe. 

I also feel for the Muslim people of this country who will suffer abuse as a result of this attack. It’s a virtual certainty, just as Europeans suffered abuse after the leave vote. I haven’t really checked the news since, I’m waiting for more information to come out regarding the perpetrator, sources to be corroborated etc. News that I did read in the immediate aftermath was chaotic to say the least. I’ve created a terrorism category for this blog, I hope this is the only post under it. 

I wish the injured a speedy recovery and my thoughts are with the families of those killed. As attacks go this is minor but to the families of those killed it’s life changing. I commend the actions of the officer who swiftly dealt with the threat and prevented greater loss of life.

-Misanthropist 

This Christmas.

Posted in Christmas with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 28, 2016 by MISANTHROPIST

I felt as if this year would be the year things would finally work out boy was I wrong. I’m basically back where I started without a job or a partner. Like the Ouroboros I’ve come full circle and essentially devoured my own tail.
As for my ex: it went out not with a bang but as the embers of a fire would, it slowly died. Lack of communication from her end being the water the doused the flame. Obviously I’m not without fault here but had she spoken to me when it was relevant we’d be happy right now.

The worst of it was the message I recieved as I sat down for my Christmas meal. Before that I was angry but after I couldn’t even eat my food. Again, nothing too dramatic but it cut deep. It read ‘I love you’ and those three words were a knife to the heart.

I’ve had an awful Christmas. I barely drank anything. I barely ate and didn’t so much as smoke a cigarette. You know you’re upset when the heartbreak causes you to forgo a nicotine addiction. I’m upset and I don’t think she’ll come back.

To that end I set about meeting people and I met one. A French Arab girl and things moved quite fast between us. Maybe too fast, I haven’t heard much from her since but I know she won’t forget about me. I’ll hear from her when she’s not busy.

Aside from that there’s the one girl I was talking with before I met my ex. Had things gone well I’d be dating her and I know that for a fact. She has a boyfriend now, she’s cooled down a bit but she’s keeping me around and I know why. That’s a matter of time.

If nothing ever happened between us I’d still be happy to have her as a friend. She’s a good woman and deserves happiness. Probably would have made an amazing girlfriend. She’ll make a man very happy one day.

I’m kinda disgusted with myself at how quickly that happened with the other girl. I feel like I’ve finally become fully steeled to loss. I don’t know how else to explain it but I’m happy to know I’m still marketable. Something kinda weird happened.

You see English girls are not really forward until they’ve consumed enough alcohol to begin the ritual that attracts a mate. Shit, Attenborough should narrate that last sentence… There was a Russian girl with her mother next to me at the lights.

I catch the sight of these beautiful ice blue eyes and assume she’s just looking around but upon looking and glancing away then back again I noticed she wasn’t hearing her mother but looking at me. Suddenly our eyes lock because she realised I was looking back and she gave me the warmest smile.

I should have asked for a number. When your heart is broken you don’t think that way. Still those piercing blue eyes were really something. Again it’s nice to know I’m still marketable.

In the end I spent my Christmas Eve talking to an old friend I met through the creation of this blog, it was nice to catch up. We don’t get to talk so often but I do enjoy talking to him. If he were in the same country as myself we would be hitting the bars. Thanks for the talk mate. I needed that.

I’ve had writer’s block for some time, that and dealing with my relationship problems have stopped me from writing. I was able to write a full post this time so I’m guessing I’m doing better.

I’m still not entirely comfortable with how quickly I’m progressing because I obviously love my ex and I don’t feel it’s fair to hurt another woman because of it. I’m keeping my possibilities open. Or at least I justify it that way. It’s a mixture of loneliness and being a man.

New Years is going to be a party I’m sure. There’s always company on New Years so it’ll be acceptable. It’s the loneliness that bleeds you to death with it cuts you. My modus operandi at the present is surround myself with people, occupy myself with distractions and drink to enjoy not to get buzzed. I don’t need to be emotional right now.

All said it was nice to have family around. I got a games console, two guitars and some army boots. This is the most I’ve recieved since I was 15. It was nice to open something. If she were here, despite the shit we went through it would have been perfect. I play as though I’m alright but yeah it does hurt and I do love her deeply.

I can’t just sit here crying about it however. I’ve been around enough to know that you get upset and try to reconcile and they go with the first dude who gives them the feelies. Usually you get a message six months later stating their regret etc but but then you’re already in a relationship or seeing someone.

This isn’t a fairytale love, I’m not going to sit here and wallow in sadness waiting for Cinderella to come back and claim the glass slipper she smashed across my head. I’d love to have her back but I’m old enough to know that life rarely gives us such graces.

Right now I need a friend. You can keep your soul, I don’t want a soul mate.

Merry Christmas my ass,
-Misanthropist.

Misanthropy at home.

Posted in Misanthropy, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on March 12, 2016 by MISANTHROPIST

It’s been easy to be misanthropic lately. I hated people when I started but I think I’ve gotten better, I hate behaviours more than the people behind them nowadays. I did the whole anti/asocial thing for a while and while my life was relatively fuckery free I wasn’t better off for it.

I come into contact with a range of people now and they have their good and bad points. I could say that by the end of the past week I was tired of people. I’ve spent this weekend in hermit mode. Unfortunately I don’t have the resources necessary to get away from family but that’s another fuckery entirely.

I’m already worried about my family taking some sort of issue with the fact that I’ll have a level of autonomy I’ve never had before. As it stands the whole financial hierarchy has changed, with my money comes more power in the decision making process. We try to be a democracy. Well fuck it I can always move out if they start acting stupid.

They’re starting to grate on me, if I talk about money it’s always about not keeping it to myself which is something I understand, as if I’m going to let anyone go without. They don’t seem to really understand that my spending is always going to be controlled by myself. That’s how I don’t end up broke. 

Secret bank account time methinks… Despite their unfounded fears that I’m going to turn into some tightfisted asshole the other fuckeries are normal. I’m not even sure why they’re worried but I just think they don’t understand money. I don’t mind supporting them because my sister couldn’t handle the job. It’s not really an issue… Why make one out of it?

It’s the people closest to me that are currently pissing me off the most. I try to look at it as everyone being stressed. We’ve waited for pay for quite some time now. As soon as the money is in everyone can calm the fuck down. In the same breath it’s obvious that I’m going to have to operate outside of the unit. 

I didn’t start earning to not enjoy my money… 

-Misanthropist.

When your employer attempts to mug you off.

Posted in Business, England, Legal, Misanthropy, People, Politics, rights, Work with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2016 by MISANTHROPIST

I said I would stop talking about work and I promise all of you I will do so but tonight I need a good moan. I appreciate that the title was very British. Sometimes in life things are too good to be true like for example my job. I was quite happy there until today. Until my employers believed I was stupid.

My work place is a changing environment. People come and go, regulations/policy change has happened twice during my time there. However they try to paint it, I’m not stupid, I’ve looked them up. I learned a long time ago that you have to do your research. Never go in completely blind.

Ex-employees have restarted the company and despite the turn over its going quite well. I understand employees have to make small sacrifices in order to ensure the welfare of the company especially at an early stage. I understand from the point of view of the employer.

I don’t appreciate being lied to about the small things but being a misanthrope these lies dominate most of the conversations I’ve had and will ever have. Even if you can see them and they irritate you it would do you no justice to point them out. Let them feel comfortable in their lie. Sometimes you have to.

There is a certain part that bothers me, one in which I find myself disinclined to acquiesce to my employers request. It’s the part where they’re taking an almost illegal punitive measures. They expect me to work outside of my contractual hours without compensation for my time or efforts.

This being illegal. If my contract states this and it doesn’t fall in line with the law of the land then it becomes null and void or at least the clause stating that I should do so. Basically I’m not legally required. Willing or even able to work that hour. Especially not without pay.

I complained about HMRC previously but in this case it was their website where I gained a greater understanding of my rights. I had an idea this wasn’t legal but now I’m backed by law. Dismissing me for refusing to work that extra time is good for an unfair dissmissal tribunal.

This should be a barrel of fun. My colleague is a member of a union who I will consult through him and provide evidence where necessary. I’m about to butt horns with a stagg. It’s a good thing the lion still has claws. I’m prepared to get my way, negotiate if necessary or for zero hour. I have to be thankful, I’ll admit to that, to the state in this case. It will be the first time it has ever worked in my favour. 

I know 80-90% of the company is not on board but just how many are willing to stand up and shout ‘I am Spartacus.’ I bet 70% would across the company. Some are willing to walk out but I’d like if I could solve this without any of my co workers leaving. I like them. It’s just sad that I have a greater picture than people who have been there so long. Maybe a better nose for people’s bullshit.

Like I said I’m willing to be political about this. I’m willing to strike a deal to my advantage or to equal advantage but I’ll obviously push for my best interests and prospects. After all they’re in the wrong. I want to keep the job but I’m not worried about losing it too much. 

I actually enjoyed my job before all this fuckery. Obviously I haven’t revealed the extent of my aresenal in this post. Showing one’s hand is foolish. I’ve only put it out there that I know my rights and this is the general sentiment. If our company is democratic as it should be then we will win. 

I was a part of a walkout today. All of us collectively said ‘fuck that.’ We went home after our day had ended as per our contract. Nobody was staying and my boss didn’t even want to stay. There was some poor attempt at asserting his authority ‘ it starts tomorrow.’ Now, I know the man wants to make a living but I also know he answers to people and the equipment isn’t his.

I’m willing to work with the man if he is willing to be reasonable. Tell my man shut up and let me handle my shit. I’m moving weight at this company. Day 2 of the month and I’m 25% of my target. I like working here and my check hasn’t entered my fucking bank yet but shit when it does. I’m not going to complain. 

That’s the other fuckery… From 7 plus, sometimes during lunch I deal with personal affairs and admin/finance for my home. This 8 o’clock shit isn’t gonna fly unless I get paid. Even if I did capitulate which I won’t, how the fuck am I took cook diner?

Long and ranty like most of my posts….

World wide warranty, satisfaction guarantee so if you aren’t happy just bring it right back to me.

-Misanthropist.

Belly of the beast/ Choatic life/A magical place…

Posted in England, General, General Dumbassery, Job hunting, Unemployment, Work with tags , , , , , , , on January 11, 2016 by MISANTHROPIST

  
To tell you the truth I wasn’t going to write today. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been preoccupied lately or I just couldn’t be bothered. For whoever is reading, I do enjoy writing because it’s an outlet. My life isn’t a party. I’ve had some great experiences but I haven’t made bank. 

All that said I have missed writing and I have posts on specific subjects in the works as you read this. I really should have prefaced this post by making a note that I recently tried to get my life in order. For the most part it worked, things have improved. 

I’m much happier than before. This isn’t all silver linings however. Once again my life is absolute chaos but we have plenty of time to get into that later. The most recent fuckery is this:

As you are aware I’m looking for work. I’ve been out on work experience. Guess where? I’m working at the job centre… See what I’m getting at? If you’ve been reading for a while and know my history dealing with these people you’ll also know that there is no way I would ever do this without some degree of coercion on the part of the job centre or their employees.

  
On one hand this could be a terrible experience and on the other this could be very entertaining and prove great material for a post, or many. It’s been a fuckery from the get go and I have a feeling it’ll only get worse as the days go by. The job centre in question isn’t located in the most savoury part of London.

Whatever the case is with my experience I’m looking to make some record of it here. For entertainment and future reference. I would be happier if the experience rewarded me with something feasible. If it helped say get an interview that would be amazing. 

Being entertained by the experience and having material for my blog is a reflection of how low the bar has been set. In truth anything above that would be surprising and anything below it will be good awful. I’m trying to enter this experience without bias which, in all honesty, is next to impossible.

I cannot prepare my brain for the wonders of the job centre… Somebody get me a drink…

-Misanthropist.

It’s been a while.

Posted in General, Misanthropy, People, women with tags , , , , , on November 9, 2015 by MISANTHROPIST

I haven’t wrote in a while, I’ve been busy with the whole organising my life. I got so into it that I completed everything on my list. I have to wait for the next lot of objectives to roll out. I’m feeling better in myself and such. I hate to admit it but with my ex far gone I’m feeling less stressed than I have in a long time.

With everything I can possibly do already done all I have left is the long term objectives. I can only work toward those slowly. Where I went to task and burned through everything so quickly I am noticing the loneliness setting in. I’m compelled to meet people for what is probably the first time in my life. It’s a strange feeling.
Must mean I’m over her. Now I have to be honest and give an honourable mention to my ex fianc√©e. We broke up and it hurt but she’s remained a good friend to me. I can always vent to her and do the same for her. I have to thank her for that. I know she still reads this because she let it slip during a conversation previous.

I’ve met a few new people but we just chat, nice girls actually. One is going through a rough time and I’m using my misanthropic cynical super powers to guide her in a direction that is beneficial to her. She’s interested in some dude who is cold I personally think is a douche. Let’s see if he surprises me. For what little I’ve known of her she seems like a nice woman in a bad place. I hope her father pulls through, he’s sick.

Then there’s the other, this is one interesting woman. She’s an engineer, clever, funny, well educated and has a way with words. I’m actually quite attracted to this one. I have no idea where it will go but she likes me, I have yet to see how much. I could talk to this woman for hours and it amazes me that she doesn’t have more guys chasing her. Seems like a catch. Let’s see where this goes.

I’m slowly becoming more social. I’m stuck in London now and my ex is a myth so I might as well make the most of it. Funny that even now my bed still feels empty. I guess I could look at it as another problem to be solved. It just isn’t that simple though. Sure I could send a few messages and go get laid but yeah that’s not what I want. I’m after something more than a casual fuck.

I’m beginning to notice how bored I am, everything I was doing project wise has also ground to a halt for various reasons. I’ll just have to wait it out. Day by day it seems I have less and less to do until I am left with my own thoughts. I’m really starting to hate that.

That’s an update I think…

Misanthropist.