Archive for hate

Holding down the fort.

Posted in General, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on December 28, 2016 by MISANTHROPIST

These be sour times.

So again we spoke today, just now. It seems I was right and what I said hit home for her and caused her to rethink everything. She’s suffering and even now all I want to do is comfort her. It’s hard to know that I can’t do anything about it. Then again it’s her problem and we’re here because of her.

I do sincerely hope she’ll be okay but yeah I can’t concern myself with it. I have to think of number one now. Obviously I’m having feelings of regret and emptiness. The worst of all is sleeping alone, as a result I haven’t slept well since we broke up. 

I sleep the sleep of the dead usually, nothing brothers me enough to keep me awake. Nothing whatsoever. This has me unable to sleep. It has me wishing I had someone in this bed with me. I know I have to be strong and hold down the fort. 

This time of night is the worst.



This Christmas.

Posted in Christmas with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 28, 2016 by MISANTHROPIST

I felt as if this year would be the year things would finally work out boy was I wrong. I’m basically back where I started without a job or a partner. Like the Ouroboros I’ve come full circle and essentially devoured my own tail.
As for my ex: it went out not with a bang but as the embers of a fire would, it slowly died. Lack of communication from her end being the water the doused the flame. Obviously I’m not without fault here but had she spoken to me when it was relevant we’d be happy right now.

The worst of it was the message I recieved as I sat down for my Christmas meal. Before that I was angry but after I couldn’t even eat my food. Again, nothing too dramatic but it cut deep. It read ‘I love you’ and those three words were a knife to the heart.

I’ve had an awful Christmas. I barely drank anything. I barely ate and didn’t so much as smoke a cigarette. You know you’re upset when the heartbreak causes you to forgo a nicotine addiction. I’m upset and I don’t think she’ll come back.

To that end I set about meeting people and I met one. A French Arab girl and things moved quite fast between us. Maybe too fast, I haven’t heard much from her since but I know she won’t forget about me. I’ll hear from her when she’s not busy.

Aside from that there’s the one girl I was talking with before I met my ex. Had things gone well I’d be dating her and I know that for a fact. She has a boyfriend now, she’s cooled down a bit but she’s keeping me around and I know why. That’s a matter of time.

If nothing ever happened between us I’d still be happy to have her as a friend. She’s a good woman and deserves happiness. Probably would have made an amazing girlfriend. She’ll make a man very happy one day.

I’m kinda disgusted with myself at how quickly that happened with the other girl. I feel like I’ve finally become fully steeled to loss. I don’t know how else to explain it but I’m happy to know I’m still marketable. Something kinda weird happened.

You see English girls are not really forward until they’ve consumed enough alcohol to begin the ritual that attracts a mate. Shit, Attenborough should narrate that last sentence… There was a Russian girl with her mother next to me at the lights.

I catch the sight of these beautiful ice blue eyes and assume she’s just looking around but upon looking and glancing away then back again I noticed she wasn’t hearing her mother but looking at me. Suddenly our eyes lock because she realised I was looking back and she gave me the warmest smile.

I should have asked for a number. When your heart is broken you don’t think that way. Still those piercing blue eyes were really something. Again it’s nice to know I’m still marketable.

In the end I spent my Christmas Eve talking to an old friend I met through the creation of this blog, it was nice to catch up. We don’t get to talk so often but I do enjoy talking to him. If he were in the same country as myself we would be hitting the bars. Thanks for the talk mate. I needed that.

I’ve had writer’s block for some time, that and dealing with my relationship problems have stopped me from writing. I was able to write a full post this time so I’m guessing I’m doing better.

I’m still not entirely comfortable with how quickly I’m progressing because I obviously love my ex and I don’t feel it’s fair to hurt another woman because of it. I’m keeping my possibilities open. Or at least I justify it that way. It’s a mixture of loneliness and being a man.

New Years is going to be a party I’m sure. There’s always company on New Years so it’ll be acceptable. It’s the loneliness that bleeds you to death with it cuts you. My modus operandi at the present is surround myself with people, occupy myself with distractions and drink to enjoy not to get buzzed. I don’t need to be emotional right now.

All said it was nice to have family around. I got a games console, two guitars and some army boots. This is the most I’ve recieved since I was 15. It was nice to open something. If she were here, despite the shit we went through it would have been perfect. I play as though I’m alright but yeah it does hurt and I do love her deeply.

I can’t just sit here crying about it however. I’ve been around enough to know that you get upset and try to reconcile and they go with the first dude who gives them the feelies. Usually you get a message six months later stating their regret etc but but then you’re already in a relationship or seeing someone.

This isn’t a fairytale love, I’m not going to sit here and wallow in sadness waiting for Cinderella to come back and claim the glass slipper she smashed across my head. I’d love to have her back but I’m old enough to know that life rarely gives us such graces.

Right now I need a friend. You can keep your soul, I don’t want a soul mate.

Merry Christmas my ass,

As the colours of our memories fade, I’m only wanting to melt beautifully away.

Posted in Relationships, women with tags , , , , , on July 24, 2015 by MISANTHROPIST

Ever gotten sick of someone you love? It’s not a nice realisation to come to. The person you used to love with your entire being is now someone who you’ve come to dislike greatly, maybe it’s because after the time you spent together they should know better. when your favourite memories are marred by pain and regret what else can you do but melt away like sand through the fingers?

Someone told me recently ‘You’re a good person.’ To which I could only profess that I am anything but a good person. I made mistakes. Some of them unforgivable. I’m not a good person, I’m simply a person. All I can say is I always loved her. I had tried to be her guide, her friend and her lover. Someone so beautifully innocent needs to be aware of the evils of people. Lest they end up like me.

Even the most resolute Misanthropist was once a romantic, who believed in good, truth and fair play. The world has a way of scarring us, robbing us of our innocence and leaving us cold. Nobody deserves to go through that transition. I heard a song that describes it perfectly even though I hate the band.

On the outside you’re ablaze and alive but your dead inside.

It’s really getting to that point again. The doors are closed, the drawbridge is up, we’ve released the Sharks into the moat and I hold the keys to the chambers. I’m pretty done with people. As a fair man I’m giving her a weekend with me and if we can fix this mess I’ll be happy. Just don’t expect my emotional investment. The hour is late and I have to protect myself.

I’ve wasted time, I’ve wasted breath and I’ve beat myself half to death over my mistakes. This is where I’m done. I wanted a partner. She seemed like a perfect candidate at one point, she was good for me in a lot of ways. Next month she arrives in London. Let’s see what became of forever shall we? Words are weightless here on earth because they’re free. We’ll see if these ones hold any weight.

If that weekend doesn’t go well I’m going to have to walk away, disappear as such. Fade away like a memory. Melt beautifully away. I just hope she doesn’t miss me because there will be no trace when I leave. That way it’s easier, at least for me. I’m done helping others, I need to help myself now.


AM Hates: Katie Hopkins and so does everyone else!

Posted in AM Hates:, England, Idiotic groups/people, Misanthropy, People, privilege, The Media, TV, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 12, 2014 by MISANTHROPIST

Sometimes you look at someone on the television and think ‘Why are you expressing your opinion in front of an audience, what makes you so special, what the fuck do you do?’

This is why I’m not big on television, if I had lived in America I might have reached for the nearest gun and fired two shots into my TV in rage and disgust. (Always double tap.) Apparently all you have to do nowadays is win The Apprentice. (Edit: She didn’t even win it.) I didn’t know of this poor excuse for a human being until around about 12hrs ago and my life was richer for it. I’ve never heard so much shit from one person in all of my life. I spent about 10 minutes wondering if she was just a gimmick, there for shock value like Simon Cowell. That said at least Cowell is funny with it and has a good idea what he’s talking about. It’s almost like she tries to drop knowledge and truths on us during these discussions but she just reveals herself to be a terrible human being.

Firstly I’d like to say I feel sorry for her children. Work comes first and they all share one birthday at a convenient time for her and one cake? You can be an asshole to many people in your life but to your kids, that’s something else. I verily dislike this woman. She’s the kind of person who takes shots at people and groups for the sake of it. She was saying how she wouldn’t hire someone who is fat or has a tattoo and that she won’t allow her children to socialize with other children based on their economic class and name. She’s just a prick of a human being. It comes to something when you go onto Google, search her ‘Katie Hopkins Should…’ and the first two suggestions are ‘be shot/die.’ Some people try so hard to be controversial they just end up being annoying, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to punch a woman in the face before…

I was going to write a long post about her but I don’t feel like getting irritated by her any longer, in a recent karmic shift she lost her column, unfortunately she’s still on the Today Show. There’s a reason I don’t watch that crap, now I will just instantly change the channel. How is she even on TV she may be business minded but she’s most of the things I hate in a person. One thing I’m comforted by is the fact that people like this come and go, we find them funny eventually, then they give us someone to hate and after that they burn out altogether. The sooner the better. I think the lesson we can learn from Katie Hopkins, as a society, is:

If you actually feel like viewing this deplorable excuse for a human being yourself look at her twitter page of ignorance or just Google her. I’d say she’s not worth the energy but this is a spectacle indeed. Really something you have to see for yourself. She’s about as pleasing to the eye as she is to the ears so avoid an Image search unless you really must. I can help wanting to slap the dumb fuck who impregnated  this piece of human detritus. I feel bad for those poor kids must be like North Korea at home. I mean I know some people’s work comes before their children, I find that wrong personally but even those people don’t let their work affect their children’s birthdays. Their parents may be absent but the kids still have their own personal day. How must those kids feel when their friends ask them and they have to explain that they all share one birthday? Their friends inform them this isn’t normal and they are instantly weird.

It’s sad but those kids will probably end up alienated because their mother is a bitch, hopefully they’ll grow up to hate her just like everybody else does. Bitch is unsuited to have children, if she wasn’t paid like she is social services might removed those damn kids from her custody and give them to their father. Sometimes mother doesn’t know best.

Arguing with idiots on facebook. An Epic.

Posted in England, General, Idiotic groups/people, Men, Misanthropy, People, The Internet. with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 3, 2012 by MISANTHROPIST

To some of you this is going to be a little confusing and I’ll warn you it’s a little long-winded but I’ll give an idea of the slang and such so you have a better understanding of what is going on here. Firstly I know the idiots in question, you might better understand why I hate my friends. MJD, keeps saying I’m fat. The funniest thing here is that I’m not, I gained weight from my trip to the USA but they really blew it out of proportion. They are talking like I should be on The Biggest Loser or Fat Farm. Toward the end of this little conversation MJD tries threatening me with physical violence.  Believe it or not this is almost standard conversation with the idiots I called friends once.

The term ‘banged one time’ effectively means he thinks he’s going to drop me with one punch. He’s outclassed and he backs down in the end. Then he starts on my woman and I don’t appreciate that, male posturing is all fun and games until you start on the oppositions partner. He could have caused a physical confrontation by doing that, it’s fair to say things about me but you don’t start on her. I told him that. A drip is an idiot incase you’ve never heard that one. Oh and Johnny Vegas is an overweight comedian. I realize that I’m an idiot for having a facebook but my woman thinks it’s funny to take advantage of me while I’m drunk off my ass. She said she would make one and I said ”No, whatever, I don’t care at the moment.”

AM: your resident misanthrope.
MJD: Idiot and bum extraordinaire, who had potato in his beard for little over a month. Hates showering, loves young girls. Never had a job. Constantly called homeless by his friends and a bum by his family. Known BMX fag.
WD: Idiot’s loud mouthed younger brother/ retard. If a child ever needed beating it’s this child. Recently had the Bieber cut.
ABC: Idiot’s female friend from Canada. Recently had a son.
-FF- Idiot’s other friend. Irrelevant.
JA: Idiot’s other friend 2. Also irrelevant.

MJD’s status:
Grrrrrrrrr in a bad mood dont even know why

ABC: same here

JA: no sex today??

AM: Aren’t you always mad about something??

ABC: BAHAHA not by the sounds of it for martin

AM: You’re martin’s Canadian, it’s been a long time, hope all’s well with the baby and such.

MJD: No comment and im not allways mad

MJD: And AM I dont own her

ABC: HAHA hi AM… Every things great here! My baby boy is big and healthy! LOL Martin.telling story’s about me?

MJD: Lol yes na hes talked to u be4

ABC: lmao i know ive taled to him when you were on.

AM: Martin my dear boy I know you don’t own her, It’s an expression of sorts courtesy of my sister. You need a beer martin. Yeah he mentioned you a while back and I was wondering how you’re doing.

ABC: lol AM were great here.. happy family.. just a bad day oddly enough. weathers shit.

MJD: Stalker much

-FF- Joe mate his on his man period,I caught it off you,and I gave it to martin 😀

ABC Campeau LOL

AM Martin don’t get me started on you…Back to your bush.

MJD: AM ur gettin to fat to start dont waste my time and go for a jog

ABC: <cant not laugh at you all

MJD: ??

ABC: lol martin.. youd understand, only if you were canadian


MJD: That well never happen

ABC: good

AM: Dude I’ve dropped two stone so shut up, good to see you got that potato out of your beard, there was enough to share. Maybe enough to donate to a small impovrished african nation. Oh and cupcake sentence structure is important when you’re trying to be funny.

AM: Don’t say anything martin, it’s better that way…

ABC: fuck sentence structure.. its the internet.. you can read it, you can understand it.. good

WD: Fucking Hell What Happened To AM o.O!

AM: I was thinking the same about you when I saw that you’re currently employed as a bieber double. It’s been a long time will.

WD: You Look Like johnny vegas’s Double. It Has Been A Long Time.


ABC: why am i still getting notifications for this lmao

WD: Its His Double Chin Its Just Amazed At All The Attention Its Getting..


AM: Wait are you talking about me, yourself or potato beard (your biological sibling)

WD: o.O Im Pretty Sure Im On About You ? Your Picture Looks Like Your Storing Nuts For The Winter..

ABC: haha wered martin go i need to laugh at him now.

WD: I Know His Face Is Funny To Laugh At But It Isnt Raising His Self Esteem .

ABC: its ok he makes fun of me anyway so he thinks he feels btter about himself

ABC: better*

WD: Okay I Will Let You Off.

AM: And I was like baby, baby, baby NOOOOOOO. How much is this bieber gig paying?

WD: Fucking More Then You Earn In 10 Years 🙂 Thanks For Asking 😀

AM: Oh and ashley how exactly do you explain bieber?
He’s from canada so you need to tell me what happened there.

ABC: HAHA i dont give to shits aout that wanker.. just cause hes canadian doesnt mean shit

WD: AM Can You Even See Your Toes Or Do A Sit Up?

ABC: ask his retarded incest parents

AM: Child you remain blissfully unaware I’m happy your career as a rentboy is taking off though.

WD: AM You Dress Up As A Ladyboy ..

ABC: ok not so funny no more

WD: AM why…

AM: William, you scream like a little bitch just remember that.
ABC, Damn I was hoping you continue I’ve been saving Canadian put downs for years.

AM: If I remember correctly, you run your mouth someone grabs you and you scream like a bitch.

ABC: i just said you two rent funny no more

AM: yeah that’s how it goes.

ABC: see… no more humor

WD: LOL AM Your A Drip.

WD: Ashley He’s Mad.

AM: I hear you but it depends on your kind of humor. Yeah, where did this conversation go anyway. We were talking about martina.

WD: But I Saw Your Face I Wonder Who You Ate?

AM: I’m a drip, William, we know you’re a drip as soon as you open your mouth.

WD: AM Talking About Mouths Being Open … Your Either Eating Or On Your Knees …

AM: Previous to that we assume you’re gay for bieber. Mad at you? Really Willamina?
Please don’t tell me you graduated, english like that isn’t even funny. And you’re our future, well we’re fucked.

AM: It hurts to read your comments willamina.

AM: One day you’ll be smart enough willamina, and maybe even form a coherant reply. Until then you should be quiet. It doesn’t look good for you.

WD: AM Your Fat Because You Eat And You Eat Because Your Fat Mad Bro?

AM: nah brah I’m thinking U mad?

WD: Im Pretty Relaxed 🙂

AM: Mad at bieber for stealing your look or something.

WD: Funny Thing Is My Hair Isnt Like Biebers So Why U Mud?

AM: okay you must have that photo. You may not resemble beebz right now but you once did. The shame resonates through time and space.

WD: So You Sit Around All day Learing About Justin Bieber And Space? I Must Say You Have A Great Life There Sir.

AM: So you took all that time to reply and try to sound intelligent and superior?
Sorry sport. You’re on a losing streak. Protip: Give up now.

WD: AM Only Time I Will Give Up Is When The Face Lady Sings But Hopefully You Wont.

AM: Will if this is a pissing contest you’re being pissed on son.
I get a feeling somebody is going to be reading this in the next 12 hours and laughing at your expense.

WD: Or You Sitting There Comfort Eating ..

AM: You’re an idiot on spectacular new levels willamina.

AM: Are you bored william, I’m really bored now?

AM: Yeah I’m very bored now.

WD: I Dont Get Bored Easily 🙂 I Find this Amusing..

AM: Yeah well I’m tired and I don’t find you amusing. You get all that?
Good because I’m going to bed now willamina.

WD: AM You Lost .

AM: I can tell you don’t get bored easily it’s evident so you can sit in your room brooding and stirring until you realize I’m online. Then spring into action and we can continue tomorrow if you’re still not worried that you’re looking like a retard.

WD: AM The Only Exercise You Get Is When Your Typing..

MJD: dont worry AM ill just send u £2 so u can sit on ur ass and watch 2 hours of tv and get even fatter and we know what u are AM….

AM: hey, Martina don’t even come at me like that because everyone knows you mate. So Mr. Potato you should probably stay quiet too. It’d be best. Oh and since we’re sending each other things I’ll send you a comb to remove the potato from your beard, some Cillit Bang for that shit stain and a sleeping bag for those long long nights alone on castle green.

WD: AM Your Just Mad Becuase You Cant Move Around As Much..

AM: I just could tread on you and not even know it. I think I already did though.

WD: Oit Fat Boy Shut Up Before I Take Your Cake..

AM: Potato beard is more fun anyway.

AM: Later W. Beebz.

MJD: Lol ur out of the loop mate ur the one alone wankin to him self in the dark u dont get anysay AM fact is ill bang u one time ha ha ha the cat is ganna get banged

AM: you’re going to bang me? You’re a funny girl martina. Anysay isn’t a word either. If I’m out of the loop it’s because I have a life, you know beyond jumping ramps at the various skateparks essex has to offer. Anyway you have fun with that sport.

AM: One time martin? I wouldn’t want to embarrass you, you’ve never been very good with facts. And Martin, for the record I’m in the loop enough to know what you’ve been up too. I see you there.

AM: Anyway lets not, you’ve already got your panties in a bunch.

MJD: just seen your new profile pic it made me whos that man your with

MJD: Sick ”

AM: Is your girl legal yet?

AM: Martin you’re losing on so many levels.

AM: Call me whatever you want but you just don’t do that. It’s low and a little sad. Then again low and sad are kinda your thing.

AM: So not only are you an idiot, you’re also an asshole. Guess what sport, I’m a bigger asshole than you are and you’re going to come up short.

MJD: Lol im not even readin what ur typing you u fail on every

AM: Okay it’s not your fault, you have trouble reading. I understand. You kinda failed to finish your sentence. It leaves me wondering if you’re having trouble or you’re really just that stupid. Well Martina it’s been fun.


This sort of thing leaves me thinking that A) I chose my friends badly. B) I should never have let her make me a facebook. I really detest the people I once called friends. More than that I detest Facebook but i’m still kinda curious. Like when you watch some nasty porn and finish up thinking what the fuck did I just jerk off too, then delete your search history and hope nobody ever sees it. I just haven’t deleted my search history yet…