Archive for General

I took the day.

Posted in Work with tags , , , , , , on March 7, 2016 by MISANTHROPIST

I woke up at 6.30am this morning to the sound of my alarm, that 60’s sci-fi sound you hear as an alien crawls from a crashed craft. I promptly decided this day was not for me and killed my alarm accordingly. I’m too sick to even bother. It would be a waste of time for myself and my employer.

The only thing about working in an office is any viral infection spreads pretty quickly. I had just got over one flu strain when a co-worker kindly introduced another. Wonderful. My day will be spent doing a little cleaning, ironing and cooking some dinner.

Not exactly a great way to spend my day but my morning was nice, talking with the woman in my life between flu remedies and coffee. She mentioned buying something for me. Jewellery I believe, I was never one for jewellery but why not? It’s a gift. She has good taste.

Now I’m just wondering what it is I have to do next. I’m feeling laziness: re-wash my trousers and hang them wet so the creases fall out. It’s lazy but the reduction in effort is worth while. I’m mostly looking forward to a good dinner. 

It’s always nice when you have a day off, makes the week shorter and gives you more energy for the weekend. I hate it when you get to Friday or Saturday morning and you’re burned out. What’s the point of working all week if you can’t enjoy your weekend?

-Misanthropist.

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Crystalline 

Posted in General with tags , , , on October 28, 2015 by MISANTHROPIST

  
Another day has passed and everything is still crystalline. I’m not even sure why this started but it’s there and this sudden drive doesn’t seem to be going away. I’m very much aware of my situation. I’ve been looking into all sorts of aspects of my life and making changes. 

These changes can be as little as a black coffee in the morning or something like new clothes. I feel the need to sort, categorise and reshuffle everything, which is probably something to do with awareness of my day to day life. From my financial situation to short/long term goals.

I suddenly feel the need to have this all arranged around my mind like some sort of mental H.U.D. It’s really weird how this came on all of a sudden. Everything is pretty much in order other than the data on my spending for the budget. 

I find myself smiling and maybe even happy for the first time in a long time. It’s a beautiful night, it’s raining outside. Rain is such a nice sound. In have everything done, job applications sent, showering and grooming, clothes for the morning. 

I’m basically done for the day and for the first time in a long time I’m not bored. I have time to write and I’m just relaxing. I have one or two ideas bouncing around but nothing I have to pay too much attention too right now. 

I am leaning towards taking steps to remedy my perpetual boredom. Nothing major just a nice day out. I have it all completely organised. All that’s left is paying and going. Me and my cohort may even have a plus one, ex colleague and a good friend of ours.

It seems presenting an organised plan made it an attractive prospect. Even if he flakes we will continue as planned. All this has reminded me I need to plan another trip to see an old friend…

Nothing is perfect but everything is okay. A side note, black coffee is life.

-Misanthropist.

The moment of clarity.

Posted in Alcohol, General, Job hunting, Smoking, Unemployment with tags , , , , , , on October 27, 2015 by MISANTHROPIST

It’s been a strange few days for me, I’ve had a strange degree of clarity regarding my current situation. Maybe it’s that I haven’t been drinking and my tests came back fine. Maybe it’s because I’m not stressed with a relationship? (I loved her a lot but believe me you have no fucking clue.) I don’t know but I’ve arrived here.

You know the self improvement stage after a relationship ends? The one I probably should have reached months ago? I’m finally there. I don’t know if it’s the sheer amount of caffeine, lack of alcohol or whatever but suddenly I’m hyper aware and hyper-motivated.

That’s probably the reason I’m awake at this hour and still active. I always did enjoy the night. I’ve spent the evening organising my life which I’ll get into in my next post. I’ve been eating a lot healthier and I’m back to smoking the ecig because the financial and health benefits seem like a no brainer.

I miss her, I really do. Every time I see a plane overhead I wonder if she’s on it and I wonder if she thinks about me. Then I steel myself with the assurance that none of it matters. I’ve learned many lessons from that woman, both good and bad. I intend to use them to my advantage.

I’m not sad so much as determined now. I don’t have time for sadness and self pity. To paraphrase Palahnuik:

This is my life and it’s ending one moment at a time.

I’m also noticing other women a lot more, I guess I’m craving physical attention. It’s been a while. I’m mainly focuses on myself and organising this cluster fuck. I’m not looking for a relationship but I’m definitely open to the possibility.

I remembered today that I was always more of a smoker than a drinker. It makes more sense to drink less and buy better alcohol for my enjoyment. I’ve always preferred smoking cannabis. It’s a nicer evening. No stupidity, negative emotions or hangovers. I’m going to smoke more than drink but even that must have limits.

On the subject of drugs, I really miss acid. I really want a woman I can do that sort of thing with, it’s an intense emotional bonding experience. I’m also really getting into black coffee again as a matter of preference.

I’ve found myself a few decent job vacancies I have to apply for this evening. I really need to get off universal credit. As a general rule I would not buy a console or game until such time has passed that all bugs are worked out. Universal credit is still in beta it seems and as you’d expect it is a complete cluster fuck.

I need to get off it as soon as possible. In short, I’m doing much better. This moment of clarity was absolutely vital. I’m enjoying sobriety, this is going to have to be a regular occurance. Vice is vice but it must be controlled, I really don’t feel comfortable with the concept of becoming a complete wastrel.

-Misanthropist.

Oh, hello. You’re looking at my blog.

Posted in General, People, Uncategorized, Useless information. with tags , , on September 19, 2013 by MISANTHROPIST

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I feel as if I should have knocked out a few more posts by now, don’t get me wrong I’ve being dealing with my own problems in the last month. This sudden small upturn feels so unnatural against the last year, the tide seems to be letting up which is nice after you’ve spent 365 or more days getting hit by wave after wave of shit. It is nice to be on dry land. Things are changing rapidly. I’ve resigned to the fact that if I want to make good money I’ll have to have my own business or way of making money. My little circle is getting smaller, with a good friend of mine moving 70 miles away with his partner in order to have their baby. So yeah I have very few people in my life. I’m putting my feelers out but at the moment I’m pretty happy with it for the moment. There will be more posts to come. I had all these ideas while I was knocking back beers annd they’re gone…

Oh and finally, I apologize about the advertisements you may see. Especially inappropriate ones unless they’re funny.
Turns out they need to make money off this place. I’m waiting to see the general quality of wordpress decline now it has become about profit.

Misanthropist.

One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn’t belong.

Posted in England, General, Love, Misanthropy, People, Relationships with tags , , , , , , , on April 16, 2013 by MISANTHROPIST

One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn’t belong. In the eyes of society this thing that does not belong is broken and must be broken down and recycled until it’s just like all the others. It seems life and society has a way of breaking us down and forcing us to conform. For my liking life is already too restrictive, people fall into the money trap where they become too reliant on their wage and begin to live well above their means. I plan to avoid that but I notice that there are vital things I need that can only be obtained with money, I guess I have to play the game to win it. At the moment I’m playing a rather high stakes game and my hand really isn’t that great. I figure that things have already gone to shit, the only thing that could make it worse is if I were dying and apparently I’m not so I’ve just got to continue playing the hand I was dealt no matter how shitty it is. I’ve done my best until now to avoid fall into line and curtailing to people’s unrealistic expectations of me. The only time I care about it is when it directly affects the people in my life negatively, I take full responsibility for my actions and attempt to avoid my actions resulting in negative consequences for those I care about but it isn’t always possible. Between that and my insistence on the truth/openness/honesty I don’t have many fans within my social circle or my family but I remain resolute. I will live on my own terms because I highly doubt that I will die on them. I refuse to break down and join the endless queues of people just waiting to die. I will not live the mundane existence that is expected of me. This is another long and painful stride in the pursuit of happiness I guess.

Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything. Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart.
Chuck Palahniuk.

Lately I’ve been living by those words, maybe its a vain hope that I can claw back that which has been lost or at least begin to scratch some sort of existence out in this shit hole. The problem for me personally is that money isn’t going to buy me happiness. I had the choice a long time ago, money or happiness and I chose happiness over money. I’ve lived an interesting life so far but I can’t say its been easy. When is it ever easy?
The worst part of all this is that when you’ve been lost, wandering, for so long and you finally think that you’ve found something, something beautiful or a home. Somewhere you belong. Then life has a way of taking it all away from you and forcing you to begin again. Creation and Destruction. For somebody who has moved on so many times it gets tired. I can’t tell you how I’ve suffered over the years, how I’ve held on and how that one person in your life can provide you with all the hope you need, show you that the world isn’t all bad and open your eyes to the innocence that you lost over the years and the beauty of being alive. Once that person is gone initially you feel kinda empty, that’s loss, something I haven’t dealt with before because I’ve never cared enough about one thing to lose it. Maybe this is part of growing up. I guess I feel much older than I am but despite my knowledge I still have a lot to learn. The only thing that’s been good this whole time is the new perspective it gives you. I think I’m just talking shit now…

Misanthropist.