I didn’t even want to write today, I mean I have plenty to write about once I get it all organized in my head. I’ve done everything there is to do before I sat down to write. There is literally nothing better to do but there is something worth posting about. Since I got home I seem to be having trouble settling back in. I have no clue why this is but I know it isn’t leaving luxury. I just can’t get back into living here. I’m sure there’s a few factors involved and one of them seems to be the perpetual Sunday I’ve experienced thanks to the bank holiday, which is pretty much Sunday 2.0. It seems as if the week got stuck at Sunday. I absolutely hate Sundays.
I just can’t seem to fit back into my routines. My sleep has been all over the place despite waking up early most days, getting used to sleeping alone again. Which is never fun. My eating habits have been affected by this trip, the food out there was so much fresher which turned me off of food a bit. I’m eating sure but I’m not particularly enjoying it. I even tried having a little smoke and a few drinks but still everything feels kinda wrong. Then there is this place. I got used to having a developed social life I guess. We’d just go out and meet with her friends and other friends of friends. You know the drill.
The language barrier was fun, a misanthrope’s dream. Imagine going out and all its benefits without having to engage in lengthy conversations. That said I really liked the people I met and they tried to communicate best they could. It’s so different here, so boring, so dead. Even if I wanted to go out there would be nobody to go with. Then there’s the usual shit, I had to help a friend out who was in trouble. He needed some food. It is that shit around here that some people are struggling. I saw it in Brazil yes, but they don’t seem as socially isolated as we are. In Brazil a friend will feed you as hospitality.
It wasn’t the beautiful apartment or luxury I’d lived in that made me hate this area even more, I always said this place was a pit. It has never been more clear to me how boring, dull and limiting this place is. I’m having trouble getting back into routine but I don’t think I even want to. It’s easier to see monotony once it has been broken I guess. I have plans for the near future but until then I’m stuck in the now and the now is boring as fuck. I’d say the experience has changed me in ways or at least given me fresh perspective. I haven’t stopped taking my coffee black since I got home.
The other thing is that couple routine you get into, that was our routine and it was pretty awesome. I will admit I got used to choice and variety in my food. Not to mention the fact that almost everything can be got on delivery in Brazil, I think I also miss the convenience. Being with her was a lot of fun and now I’m just stuck here where nothing I’m doing is entirely satisfying, this coupled with the fact that I am not even close to settling back in here is making for a fun time. I will say living well contributed to the strangeness of every day things like cooking for myself. You don’t really think about the time these tasks take up when until you haven’t had to do them for a while.
I crave shrimp and cheese coxinha like a motherfucker right now. I have no idea where I can get it but I will find a way. I enjoyed my time in Brazil, it’s a lovely country and the people were warm and relaxed. I think I was only genuinely irritated by two people the whole time I spent there. A young couple behind us, we were on a bus between states and this douche was playing his music loudly so everyone could hear. I totally expect that shit in London but not in Brazil, then again teenagers will be douches, all over the globe. I will get to writing properly, as I have said I’m just not really feeling it. This post came out of thin air. I needed something to do and I had something in my head to write about.
All I’m hearing is bad stuff in the news and people with their problems against this colorful gray backdrop and I’m having a really hard time getting back into it because it isn’t something I want to be a part of. I much prefered the life I lived out there. Not even the luxury just living somewhere interesting and experiencing new things. I want to escape this terminal boredom. I don’t even wonder why the some of the people I know are depressed. It’s pretty bleak here. I’m hoping I can just sit down with the guitar and get back into the music and studio stuff but to be honest I’m just not feeling anything.
Even this post, I started with some sort of direction and then by the end it just feels blunt. I’m hoping it isn’t a completely clusterfuck and fully conveys my feelings, I guess that’s what I had set out to do. Kinda dazed and confused though.