Archive for the Relationships Category

Meeting women, relationships and acknowledgements.

Posted in Relationships, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 24, 2017 by MISANTHROPIST

In recent months I’ve had a pretty rough time relationship wise, now that’s not an issue any more. During the months after we broke up I thought to myself that it might be smart to get to know other women. I went into that situation with absolutely zero expectations. Some I contacted first and others contacted me.

During that time I met several very different women. All of them unique in their own ways. I’ve made good friends and there are some I’m interested in and at least two I find fascinating. I have to give them their dues in some way because they’ve each helped me get back to where I am now.

In a lot of ways I’ve improved myself but each of these women has played their part. There’s the sweet one she’s a religious woman and although we don’t agree on religion if there’s a heaven I’m pretty sure this one deserves a place there. I can see us remaining friends for a long time despite our differences.

There’s another, she was quite nervous at first, seemed sad. Like me just got out of a relationship. We spoke a lot and I didn’t really expect it to go much further than that but as I got to know her better she revealed herself to me, very talented chef. Sweet, caring etc. Suddenly out of nowhere there’s fire between us. I’m still not really sure how it happened.

There’s a woman from Poland but we’ve only ever emailed eachother. She’s like a pen pal really,  I get an email once a week so the pace is slow but it’s been nice to get to know her. I look forward to her emails. I usually try to reply to her on Sunday. It gives me an activity, you know how I hate Sundays.

Then there’s the one who only calls me when she’s drunk. There was always a thing between us but she’s kinda stuck, I know she likes me but I’m pretty sure she’s seeing someone. Hence she calls when she’s drunk. It’s a damn shame really because I’ve always liked her and will always have time for her. I just give her shit about calling me when she’s sober.

Another, a Chinese national. I haven’t spoken to her in a while but I should get ahold of her, she’s a good friend who was going through a tough time with a death in the family. This woman is extremely intelligent and I can say she’s taught me quite a bit in the time I’ve known her. I’m happy that she and her family are doing better now.

Then we have this one, obviously the one I’m fascinated with is hard to get. This woman is exceptionally talented creativity speaking. She managed to get me to appreciate art which is an achievement in itself. I can’t really find the words to describe this one. We are very similar in many ways, the first month of knowing her was spent with her stealing the words from my mouth. The first time we spoke she threw me entirely off guard and as she opened up she showed me her soul, truly an exceptional woman. Likes to challenge me. Accent like a Bond villain.

I’ve met many women from all different races, countries and backgrounds and each of them has contributed to myself in some way or another. Each of them have my respect, not as women but as people.  Each of them unique and beautiful in their own ways. The other thing I wanted to mention is that it’s damn hard to make male friends. Usually single serving if at all.

The other thing I noticed is that it’s amazing what cleaning yourself up can do. That’s when things really started. I’d met these women and they were great friends with me. As soon as I was far enough out of my hole to bother cleaning myself up I got a lot more interest. I guess I scrub up well. That’s when the drunk phone calls started despite her giving me shit not two weeks earlier for being drunk while talking to her.

I’m no stranger to the opposite sex but I have to admit it’s been weird to have so many interested. I must be doing something right. The other thing I’ve noticed with all of them in my life I’m actually a happier person, they each contribute to that in one way or another. I actually never realised being single was okay. I’ll admit I’ve grown fond of all of them and I plan to keep them in my life regardless of a relationship forming. I hope that’s possible and it should be because we are friends before anything else.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that none of these women are originally from England. My favourite drunk caller is of African descent, beautiful woman, great laugh and pain in my ass but aren’t all the best ones? I don’t know why I do so badly with English women. Granted I get looks but rarely goes any further than that with an English girl. That’s not something I’m bothered by if I’m honest.

My relationships have always been with women from outside of my own country. Even those with similar cultures have taught me much. I like the differences in culture, food and more. If they like you enough you’ll be treated to lots of new food. There’s also that moment when she’s in bed tired and can’t English anymore. To be honest I find these moments rewarding.

I don’t mind a little bit of teasing, it’s a good laugh. When she makes fun of you for being English and you do the same to her. I told her already that she sounds like a Bond villain. It’s the things like that which make the relationship between you more rewarding.

All this said my strangest experience with an Arab woman. There was a lot of fire between us and we genuinely liked eachother. At one point she said I was too white. Something I’ve heard from women of other ethnicities. Usually poking fun at me, not something that even registers beyond making me laugh. She disappeared later which is when it clicked in my head that’s she’s a Muslim, and I’m pretty sure from what I know of her parents that they would not be be cool with her seeing me. I don’t blame her or anything. It’s a damn shame because I liked her a lot in the time we knew eachother but yeah I wouldn’t want to get her in trouble.

In all it’s been a rewarding experience meeting new women and getting my act together. There’s obviously more female friends than male at this point, but a few will even smash back beers with me so I’m not exactly lacking in that area. Would be screwed if I was into sports though.

I started to write this post basically to acknowledge the postive impact all these women have had on my life recently. They’ve made me happier and in ways they’ve helped me love myself. Even if I feel personally there isn’t much they see something in me which means I can’t be so bad.   After meeting all these amazing women I’m not in a rush to enter into anything.

-Misanthropist.

A wonderful week this is turning out to be. 

Posted in Relationships, women with tags , , , , on December 29, 2016 by MISANTHROPIST

As if this past week wasn’t shitty enough guess who’s birthday is tomorrow. That’s right! My ex fiancée. ‘Now if you’re reading this love don’t worry I’m not talking shit about you, you may even learn something so keep reading…’ 

Now our relationship is a long one, if you read back to the start of this blog you’ll see I’m talking a lot about America and a certain woman in my life whom, despite what has happened, I care about very much. Even to this day she holds a place in my heart and always will.

A few years back she attempted to reconcile with me and I was too stupid to realise what was going on, I’d fallen in love with a Brazilian woman and even when I did realise I could do nothing about it lest I be a heartless bastard. I made the difficult decision to do right. Sometimes I regret it.

She’s engaged now to some douche I will never like. I always get the feeling she’s not entirely happy. She can’t say so at least. They got in a little to deep and now there are incentives to stay put. It’s not like she could up and leave if she wanted to. She didn’t speak to me much this holiday. Busy I guess but there’s one doubt in the back of my mind.

She told me recently he didn’t like her talking to me. Now I respect her relationship. I have no respect for him but her I do. I wouldn’t violate that. I’ve had little fuck boys try to mess with my relationship. Luckily the women I’ve been with dealt with them for the most part. Occasionally a man has to be a man though.

My point is that I hate when others do it so I wouldn’t do it to someone else. Doesn’t matter if it’s a random dude or the douche that is engaged to my childhood sweetheart. I wouldn’t go there out of respect.

I know she doesn’t talk to me much because of him. We’ve known each other for ten years and I’ll outlast this fucker. I’ve served the longest tour. I love this woman and I always will. I have times when I miss her a lot. Like her birthday tomorrow. What I wouldn’t give to kiss that woman one last time…

I’m not sure that she knows how I feel but I saw it in her eyes a while back. If you don’t know someone after ten years then you’re not paying attention. Dispite my feelings I’m happy to have her as a friend and she’s been there through everything.

So I’m going to say happy birthday tomorrow and if their relationship suffers it must be quite fragile to begin with, I would go with saying it’s not her but him. Ever see someone with someone else and think they’re bad for one another. ‘Remember how you did with the Brazilian? Yeah love it’s exactly like that.’

In any case that’s not my choice to make. I want her to be happy even without me and she hasn’t seemed happy for a long time. I don’t doubt they love each other, they have their good times but to me it seems mostly bad. All I can do is wait and see. We will talk sometime soon I imagine.

All I know is I miss having her in my life. However life isn’t a romantic comedy and we mostly likely won’t end up back together. I just miss her as a person and her presence at a time like this would be much appreciated.

If you’re reading this it’s likely that at least a month has gone by since I wrote it and events have unfolded already. If you have any questions I’m a fantastic beast and you know where to find me.

-Misanthropist.

Holding down the fort.

Posted in General, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on December 28, 2016 by MISANTHROPIST


These be sour times.

So again we spoke today, just now. It seems I was right and what I said hit home for her and caused her to rethink everything. She’s suffering and even now all I want to do is comfort her. It’s hard to know that I can’t do anything about it. Then again it’s her problem and we’re here because of her.

I do sincerely hope she’ll be okay but yeah I can’t concern myself with it. I have to think of number one now. Obviously I’m having feelings of regret and emptiness. The worst of all is sleeping alone, as a result I haven’t slept well since we broke up. 

I sleep the sleep of the dead usually, nothing brothers me enough to keep me awake. Nothing whatsoever. This has me unable to sleep. It has me wishing I had someone in this bed with me. I know I have to be strong and hold down the fort. 

This time of night is the worst.

-Misanthropist.

Every time just like the last, on the ship tied to the mast.

Posted in Love, Relationships, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2015 by MISANTHROPIST
full circle

full circle

Funny how that fits love perfectly isn’t it? It’s actually alluding to heroin usage. Love has been compared to drugs. Maybe it’s just more personal for me. I’ve learned a lot since my last two forays into love and relationships.

The first one was painful when it ended, it really hurt me losing her. She was my best friend since we were kids but it pales in consideration to the fuckery of the second one. I’m not saying I blame her for everything but in retrospect I now know what is to be in a bad relationship.

Still it hurt to lose her because she meant a lot to me and at the time I probably would have done everything and anything to make it right and workable… Now I’m outside of it I’m like ‘fuck that’ and ‘was I stupid.’ The answer to this is yes I was and that I am not innocent.

Now I have experience of both I know what to look out for and the multitude of ways I could fuck up a good thing. It’s all a learning curve. So I set out again with fresh perspective, scars and lessons learned.

When I was younger, less experienced and more arrogant I wrote an article regarding break ups. The information was good but it was best case scenario stuff. Easier said than done I think it’s called. It’s not so easy with the intense emotions involved in an actual break up.

It’s easy to talk from the outside of these situations. When you’re there yourself in your own unique set of circumstances there is no right answer. Plenty of wrong ones though. All of the advice was rather non specific and cannot be applied so well in practice for that reason.

I should rewrite that article. This brings me to what I am looking for. I don’t necessarily have a type. I like intelligence, I have to be physically attracted to her. There has to be something special about her. I think that’s all manufactured by my own perception though.

As I mentioned I’ve met two women I like. The first one I met is a really nice woman in a really shit place. Very likeable, she’s still learning about how people can be shit. She means so well and cares so deeply that people will try to take advantage of her, and they have.

A part of me wants to teach her the skill of spotting those pricks a mile off but at the same time I’m worried she’ll become jaded as I did. So I’m just focusing on making her laugh talking to her and stressing that none of what happened is her fault.

I like her partly because I feel completely at ease talking to her, we agree on a lot of points and she appreciates my perspective. If she finds the right man she’ll be a great partner and a very happy woman.

Now the other one is something different. She seems very intelligent, eloquent and pretty fun to converse with. She’s never really thought about companionship until recently. She seems to have taken a liking to me. Quite a unique woman in many ways. I’m just getting to know her really.

There’s another girl I met too, she’s a strange one. Great sense of humour and easy on the eyes. Very clever but she doesn’t display that. Very casual in her conversation. I like her but I’m really not sure why. She’s an endearing kind of weird. Also I’m weak for a sarcastic chick.

I’m not even sure she means to be likeable but I get the feeling she’s into me. I’m going to have to test that hypothesis by throwing a compliment out there and watching her reaction. I’ll be able to tell but this one is generally quite hard to read. I like a challenge.

I’m actually looking forward to the point where I can spend some time alone with someone. What I would give to fall asleep with someone. I miss that warmth next to me at night. I’d complain about it before but now I miss having my covers stolen by a sleeping woman.

It’s funny too, how when you get into a relationship they always end up stealing your clothing. My ex fiancée still has my favourite jacket and Chelsea scarf. My other ex has my damn sweater. They both stole my damn underwear because and I quote ‘Ohh these are so comfortable.’

Or did I give the underwear away? Remember what I said about love making you stupid. That’s the sad part really. You give pieces of yourself to them both literally and figuratively. Pieces that when they walk away you can never get back. Knowing that makes me hesitant to do it all again.

I’ve had to tell myself that my experience, although it seems vast to me, is actually quite limited. Also that I shouldn’t let the outcome of past experiences dictate future ones. Your baggage can end up hurting someone you care about. I have to go in with fresh perspective.

Keep your eyes and ears open but don’t expect them to act as their predecessors did, they are individuals. You just have to let them act and judge based on their actions. Only when you can do that are you ready to start another relationship.

Knowing what I now know, letting go of the past, having felt what I felt and experienced both good and bad, I would say I’m ready now. That and the fact that I can’t get mind off fucking. Suddenly my brain is hyper sexual. I find myself being distracted when I see an attractive woman. You know that automatic head turn?

It’s not a problem until I almost get ran over because I’m distracted by the woman in the shop with the amazing ass. I really need to do something about that as its becoming a problem. I find myself meeting their gaze and smiling at them too because what is the point of admiring her if she doesn’t realise I’m doing it.

It’s not just all that though. I find myself missing cooking together and showering. Those random passionate moments where she’s walking in the hallway and you’re staring at her ass as she walks then you grab her by the hips, turn her around and start kissing her.

I actually find myself missing the attention. I’m not sure if that’s sad or not. I could use something to smile about. I’m definitely craving someone. Love and lust are powerful things.

Having gone through those last two relationships I have to ask myself: How many times must I sell myself before my pieces are gone? This time I’ll do things differently.

-Misanthropist.

Facebook.

Posted in General, People, Relationships, Social Media, The Internet. with tags , , , on October 27, 2015 by MISANTHROPIST

Never wanted it, always complained about it. Hate it even more so than ever. 

If you’ve been with me for some time you may remember me complaining how my ex fiancée went about coercing a drunk, younger, me into getting a Facebook. Or rather just setting it up for me…

There was a time when I was quite active on Facebook, when it was a tool which was useful to me. It allowed me to converse with my friends in America and more recently the ones in Brazil.

Of late I’ve not had much contact from any of the individuals I met during my travels. Friendships are ephemeral after all I guess. No me importa nada mas. It isn’t an issue, just that now I have no further use for Facebook. 

I’ll keep it as an alternative avenue of contact but I have no real use for it anymore. Half of the crap on there is click bait or politics. It’s just boring and I’m really growing to hate it with a passion. I still wish I had been firmer with my first answer which was, for the record, No.

-Misanthropist.

Another public service announcement.

Posted in Medical, People, Relationships, women with tags , , , , , , on October 22, 2015 by MISANTHROPIST

  
Sexual health is something I take very seriously. I love sex as much as anyone else. There’s nasty sex, sweaty sex, deviant sex and all kinds of sex. The important thing is that if you plan on sticking your cock in questionable crevasses, or receiving a questionable import, you should get checked. I did, I make a point of doing so. Getting an STD sucks but being responsible for screwing up someone else’s life sucks more.

Get tested, it’s important. Unfortunately my reply didn’t go through.

-Alpha Misanthropist.

Nada dura para sempre

Posted in Love, People, Relationships, women with tags , , , , , , on October 8, 2015 by MISANTHROPIST


It ended last night, when I let go. As all things do. There’s a strange sense of calm now, solace but without the sadness. I’m cold now, as calculated and reptilian as it is, sometimes you just have to cut a person from your life.

We had a conversation recently where we seemed to have reconciled our differences, she wanted to come back. Holding the bear I gave her, wearing the ring, she told me she loved me. Then nothing, now the way my mind works is usually by recognising patterns of behaviour.

A general rule of mine is that if somebody breaks a pattern something is wrong. The problem here lies in the fact that I had no pattern to observe, until yesterday. She hadn’t answered my messages in a week. She also forgot how well I know her. It’s easier to see someone for who they are when your rosey tinted lenses crack.

Something wasn’t right, she had blocked me from Facebook after an argument we had but she also friended half of the people I know. You may not agree with my methodology but if you give a hound a scent why would you be surprised when he follows it. I went with my gut and I was correct.

Now just to clarify, I had asked her directly many times and she never answered, if she had we might be friends. People frustrate me, I always stress honesty with a partner and she knows this. I have also spent six months of my life trying to fix what was broken, what is broken. Some things you can’t fix.

I don’t know why you would string someone along for that amount of time if you really don’t care, is it malice? Cowardice? I don’t know. No me importa nada mas. I’m a terrible person for looking but you come to a point where you have to know. I chase answers, especially when they are important.

I want to stress that I’ve wasted so much of my life, my time and my emotional capital that looking was a necessary step. I’m sure she wouldn’t have told me and kept me waiting for a while to tell me. After all I’ve been through with her at the expense of my own well being I came to realise our relationship had to be terminated, it’s a shame because I loved her a lot.

And to think she would let me waste a train ticket to Paris to see her, without being fully honest with me. I never wanted to go to Paris anyway. I saved money and avoided a trip I didn’t want to take, so there’s that. It’s sad to think really, she’ll go through life burning through people. Now I know why she said people always leave her alone in the end.

I had to get that off my chest, I really did care and it has affected me. At one point I loved her very much.

Some things are for the best.

-Misanthropist.