Archive for the Men Category

PSA

Posted in Foods, Men, women with tags , , , , on June 15, 2015 by MISANTHROPIST

This could be useful to some of you. Ever met a girl, guy or whichever gender you happen to be attracted too, who has expressed an affinity for wine? (We at alpha Misanthropos do our best to be progressive in these rapidly changing times.) 

If that person isn’t a wine snob, let’s be honest if you blindfold a wine taster they won’t know the difference between a £5 bottle and a £50 bottle, bring along a bottle of Barefoot Ruby Moscato. Seriously 9/10 times you can’t go wrong with the stuff. It’s sweet, nice taste and women seem to love the stuff. I’m sure it’ll be greatly appreciated.

The consensus from the women I know who drink wine and live around the world is that this is good shit. Be it as a gift for a housewarming party or a bottle of ‘I think I like you.’ This is the stuff. I have literally never heard a complaint about it. 

Keep it in mind if you ever need to pick up a bottle of after dinner wine or something to keep you interested during their favourite movie that you absolutely cannot stand, it’s called:

Barefoot: Ruby Moscato.

You can thank me later.

-Misanthropist.

Party time!

Posted in Alcohol, Foods, General Dumbassery, Men, Misanthropy, People, Smoking with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2014 by MISANTHROPIST

About a month back I received an invitation to the birthday party of a family friend, a friend who is more like a part of the furniture, it was one of those milestone birthdays so I was expected to attend. I had initially thought of ways to get out of it and maybe do something nice for her on a separate occasion because she’s a good friend and I enjoy her company. In the end, with much complaining from my sister, I resigned to the fact that I was going to this party. In the month leading up to the party my anticipation of it eventually turned into enthusiasm. I thought about going to see the doctor because it had been so long since I actually looked forward to anything.

The day of the party finally came around, my mother and sister had been getting ready for the best part of the day between cleaning the house. I never saw the point in getting ready any sooner than an hour before leaving, we have animals so you’d probably end up picking up dog or cat hair. Maybe I’m just lazy I don’t know. We planned to leave my place together. My mother, sister, her boyfriend and myself. We ended up with a few others tagging along because we’re all going to the same place so why not? Shortly after this development I was informed that the bar was not free. Wonderful for someone who can’t get drunk on two beers and doesn’t have a job. Not a problem though, I’m there for the birthday not the alcohol.

I had been worried about being over dressed, I had a nice shirt, trousers and shoes. I was going for smart since this was a function hall. In the end I just said ‘Fuck it. I don’t care.’ I ended up being the best dressed guy there. I also messed with keeping some facial hair for the first time in my life, so they didn’t waste my time asking for ID before serving me. I got a few comments on it, all good ones. Great success! I ended up keeping it seeing as the reception was good. We eventually arrived at the venue, walked in and surprise we hardly knew anyone there other than her parents and a few other familiar faces. I said hello and happy birthday to the birthday girl, handing over the card and gifts as you do in these situations.

I was then forced to introduce myself and make small talk with a bunch of people I don’t know at all which is always fun. After this I was happy to be informed that there was in fact a tab behind the bar. I went up for my first drink joined by my entire family and Stella Artois sounded like the good idea, I like my beer to taste like beer and not spring water. In the time it took us to drink that beer my mother, sister and sisters boyfriend had firmly planted their asses onto seats with no intention of moving. This was probably due to not knowing anyone and not caring to, they were basically only there for the birthday girl.

After some more beer the birthday girl informed us that if she had her way half of these people wouldn’t even be there. It made me kinda glad I’m not close to my extended family, if I had to invite people to avoid pissing them off I’d just cancel the damn party altogether. Is it really worth spending your entire night surrounded by people you hate just to appease the family as a whole? Nope. She ended up sitting with us most of the night unless her mother called her over to talk to another person she wanted nothing to do with. I felt for her, I get the feeling she’d much rather have come back to our place for a quiet one then go back home later to spend the rest of the evening with her mother, father and the few family members she did like.

The food was opened and it was bad. I don’t think I’d have enjoyed it even if I was drunk. Maybe bad is strong but yeah party food needs to be served soon after cooking or it just loses all its flavor. It wasn’t their fault, more of a logistical issue seeing as they drove the food here from their home around 40 miles away. That and the fact that it was just herself and her mother doing the cooking. I did make a discovery, I particularly enjoy shrimp vol au vents so it wasn’t a complete loss. Apparently I walked past a lot of food without realizing it was even there, If I had known I might have eaten more. I spent the entirety of the next morning being told about all this food I walked past that I would have eaten if I had known it was there.

As the night wound on I saw a bottle of jager behind the bar and wondered to myself if the establishment would serve jagerbombs as I had began to get tired and wanted a pick-me-up/decent buzz, the beer just wasn’t doing it for me. The strangest thing about the jagerbombs here was that they were made with Monster energy drink instead of the standard Redbull, a little weird but I was going to complain about free alcohol. My sister’s friend decides to follow suit and before we know it we’d had at least four jagerbombs each, we were joined at the bar by my sister’s boyfriend and the birthday girls significant other who stuck to Jack and coke. Personally I can’t drink Jack with coke, I start feeling sick after two or three so I always have it with lemonade or just straight.

My mother eventually left for home due to work in the morning or just being plain bored. This is when my sister’s friend decided he’s going to drink in time with me. Something I wouldn’t suggest to anyone. The girl behind the bar seemed quite impressed with my drinking, not sure why but she would come back and forth making small talk with me. She was a little Essex for my taste but yeah she seemed nice enough. After a few more Dave informs me that he’d like to acquire a smoke for the rest of the evening ahead, something I again advised him against doing seeing as most people don’t handle the mixture well but he insisted so we stayed a little longer with the birthday girl before headed back home. In this time I also met her brother who went to the same school and that one uncle, you know what I mean…

After the long walk back to my place we sat in and I made a few calls to no avail. When can you not get weed on a Saturday night? I mean these guys call themselves dealers. If that’s your job then that’s your job but surely you make sure you have bud on a Friday and Saturday, the amount of business you could do on those two days alone is more than most people make in a week. After an hour of calling various people I was about to give up when I had a eureka moment, I walked down the road to see another friend who smokes like a chimney and he called a friend of his to come drop it off. To my surprise when he arrived he turned out to be a shady fuck I went to school with. I always said he’d end up being a drug dealer. Called it.

I checked it over, good quality but the quantity was lacking. Not a problem seeing as this was a one time thing and I’m unlikely to see him ever again and dave was willing to take anything as long as he could have a smoke. He’s one of those people who smokes once in a blue moon so he wasn’t particularly concerned as long as it got him stoned. On the way back he had mentioned feeling a little sick so I kept him talking and made sure he had some water, he must have been a lot more wrecked than he looked but he didn’t say anything more about it so we continued on and thought nothing of it. I proceeded to roll the first one and light it up, we passed it back and forth, soon enough it was ash in the tray.

We had a few conversations regarding vidya among other things and other the course of the next hour I watched him slowly deteriorate into a slouch. He then informs me he feels sick again and I tell him that if he’s going to throw up he should do it in my toilet and I’ll grab him some water or make him food when he feels better, the usual stuff you do for a drunk friend. In the middle of telling me he feels like he’s going to throw up for the third time he actually vomits, in my kitchen of all places. Good thing my flooring is stone. He vomits twice more, by this point he was comatose and not moving from his chair aside from dry heaving so I grab him some water, a bucket and begin cleaning the remains of his last meal.

I offer to take him home once the vomiting has stopped and he declines so I offer him my couch for the night. He ended up waking in the morning and leaving his weed stating that he didn’t want anymore because it wrecked him so badly the night previous. Free weed is best weed! Safe to say he learned his lesson and won’t be drinking like that again, all it took was one spliff to send him into a coma or maybe the jagerbombs did it. Either way I felt responsible so I looked after him and make sure he was sleeping on his side in case he vomited in his sleep. I don’t really fancy Horatio Caine and the team showing up here. Kids man, he may be of legal age but until you can handle your drink you are still a kid.

It was a good night all in all and she had a great birthday. I even had a good night aside from cleaning vomit and nursing this comatose hulk of a man back to some semblance of sobriety, my sister and her S.O arrived home later on and her first words to me are ‘what have you done to David?’ To which I replied ‘He did it to himself.’ My sister did her usual Florence Nightingale bit and checked on him throughout the night. I ended up going to bed around about three am after considering writing about my night. Maybe I should go out more often or judging by Dave maybe I shouldn’t. In all I’m quite glad I went even though my initial reaction was to do a barrel roll.

-Misanthropist.

All dressed up and nowhere to go.

Posted in Alcohol, Gaming, General, Men, People, Technology, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2013 by MISANTHROPIST

And I was going to be social tonight… I arranged to see my friend today after he has been with his pregnant fiancee for a few days. It’s no biggie or anything, all we were going to do was play GTA V online and maybe some Battlefield 4 too, might have a few beers. Just normal guy shit. Life has moved fast for both of us, him more than me of course but I’ve had my own adventures. I guess it kinda takes us back to ’05 when we’d do it every weekend. It’s happening a little more often because he’s going to be a father, funny how life does that. He is relatively young, mid twenties to be more exact. Soon it’ll be a rarity. At the moment my life is going absolutely nowhere but I’m turning it toward some direction by the new year, hopefully.

I got clean and everything, Sundays are always a lazy day. No exceptions. On the seventh day I rested…
I like to be clean generally but it definitely gives a sense of routine when you’re stuck in limbo. Sunday is my day off regardless. I do not attend any church and therefore have nothing to do on a Sunday. The only time I’ve ever actually enjoyed Sunday was in good old ‘Murica because things were still open and after church there was food and book shopping. Life was good. I have to admit that I miss Sunday nights with my woman and her family. That said the day of Thanksgiving is destined to suck because I loved that holiday.

Well we’ve re-arranged for another day anyway so it isn’t that bad. I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go. I can play fallout but I want to sleep tonight. Today I tried to play GTA V offline and ended up using the money to buy LS customs, driving into a bar and shooting some people, driving off and eventually getting arrested for the first time ever because a cop caught me off my guard. I just couldn’t really be bothered with it. Now I was stupid enough to get an Xbox 360 instead of a PS3 and due to the fact I’m not on Xbox live that garage glitch is kinda game breaking in terms of completely fucking up the car customization and storing your favorites. This is kinda off-topic but alas it pisses me off immensely.

Things are mediocre at best.
I wonder who’s gonna get killed this Black-Friday. I know that’s in bad taste but I really don’t get why or how you kill someone accidentally or maliciously over a fucking bargain.
-Misanthropist

Dey turk our porn!

Posted in England, Government/government bodies., Idiotic groups/people, Men, Misanthropy, People, rights, Technology, The Internet., The Media with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 22, 2013 by MISANTHROPIST

ImageSo I’ve just read that the UK government is planning on blocking pornography… under the guise of ‘think of the children’ what a pile of crap. Apparently we’re supposed to opt in if we want to be able to access pornographic material. The first gripe I have here is: why should we have to opt in to access the material? People who don’t want to view that type of explicit material should opt out. The whole think of the children thing is bullshit, why should we suffer because a few lazy bastards/sub par parents can’t take the time out to either supervise their children’s internet usage or buy the appropriate software that does the job for them.

IF we do opt in to being able to view porn will our privacy be protected or will we be added to a list of morally depraved people who opted in and should be watched for signs of sexual deviancy? The law is proposed in such a way that it makes everyone who is against it appear a depraved sexual deviant who doesn’t care about the children.
Apparently the government knows whats best for us… 1984 here we come.

IF this law is passed and censorship of the internet begins where does it stop? Anything the government decides is immoral will be block, sites like Reddit and 4chan will be in the firing line. In fact most of the internet would be in the firing line. Our government is so hypocritical, it condemns china and other countries that are pro censorship and yet it is proposing censorship in the same breath.

We soon forgot about CISPA, PIPA etc… and I have a feeling the country might just lay down and take it. It’s sad that we aren’t already up in arms over this. We obey their laws, pay their ridiculous taxes and pay for our own internet, why the hell should the government be able to restrict what we view. This is a gross encroachment on our rights and freedoms, even at this stage.

I see this as an attempt to save David Cameron’s sub par career, party and leadership from doom during the next election. I have a real problem with that little rich twat with his Eaton education. I have no issues with rich people in general especially if they’re self-made but this man is so out of touch with the realities of the common man that he was a poor choice for leadership in beginning, but alas money speaks volumes.

I’d rather bring back Tony Blair, fuck, I’d rather have George W Bush running the UK. Cameron knows nothing of hard work, nothing of hardship. The faster we vote him out of parliament the better. The worst part of all this is people don’t seem to care that they are being stripped of their rights. This is bigger than porn. This is about censorship of the last free medium, being stripped of our rights, government hypocrisy and some out of touch twat’s political agenda. Please don’t let him ruin our country for another term.

Of all the things I could be annoyed about…. porn. I’ve hated the Conservative Party and Cameron for longer than I can remember, the sooner the public realize what an idiot Cameron is the better. I’m gonna stop now because this post/argument isn’t even constructive, I’m just surprised he even has the gall to propose such censorship under the guise of protecting children…
Misanthropist.

It Was My Privilege

Posted in check your privilege, How to lose friends and offend people, Idiotic groups/people, Men, Misanthropy, Unpopular Opinions., women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 23, 2013 by MISANTHROPIST

I want to talk to you all about something that has been on my mind lately, well now its kinda burned into my mind. The image that is burned into my mind is not a good one. The issue is Feminism (I checked my privilege and capitalized it)
I don’t have a problem with women so don’t mistake this whole post for misogyny, I’m all for women having equal rights to men in every area. Wait why the fuck am I apologizing for myself. My mistake, silly me…

I was on Facebook lately and a friend of a friend of mine posted an article in from a well-known US news source, it was about women and their rights. I read it and didn’t agree with everything that was said in it. I especially don’t like the stance that every man is a rapist, so I commented on it. I was then accosted by the girl who posted it. Obviously a feminist. Before I get into anything (I’m not talking specifically about the individual involved) there is a point when feminism becomes radical and then there’s the sad point where feminism becomes misandry. These specific man hating feminists and some of the things they say and promote are completely ridiculous and they make feminists and feminism in general look like a joke, which is the exact opposite of what they want. These ‘feminists’ are why you ladies can’t have nice things. There’s a point when it just becomes war on the danglers in general and you don’t want equal rights but to take away the rights of men.

I think that a woman shouldn’t think every man is a potential rapist, don’t get me wrong I’m a fan of putting the fear of god in people to warn them of potential danger but it gets ridiculous at the point where all men are demonized for the actions of a few animals. The other thing I can’t stand is the cherry picking, its pathetic. You already have a point, no need to dress it up. Then the other thing is being told I’m privileged. Yes I’m white and male and I know that in years gone by this carried privileges but now days this is much less true and where I’m from we’re had multiculturalism and tolerance hammered into us while we were still to young to see color and creed. Where I’m from we’re united in our shitty environment and shitty situation as I said when you’re at the bottom rung of the ladder everyone is on equal footing. Telling me I’m privileged in any way because of the color of my skin or my sex makes me laugh. I invite you to come see where I live, you’ll see my point. We’re all equal in this shit hole.

Another thing is a feminist telling me how she has no rights or how she’s being oppressed… posting her opinions freely on social media, from her cell phone that she owns and paid for with her own money… need I go on?
Sure I recognize that women aren’t completely equal but there are women having their genitals mutilated in Africa, and women who aren’t allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia, who can’t go out without the company of a man, women who are really oppressed, the women who jumped under the kings carriage for their rights were oppressed. So sorry you’re not top of the list. right now. Lets worry about the women who have been killed for dishonoring their families or that poor little girl in the news. That’s oppression and you don’t know what the fuck that is. And by god I hope you never do…

The worst thing is that even when you agree with a lot of their points they fuck it up for themselves by being rude or sometimes just plain crazy and for a lot of people it was shocking at first but now its hilarious to the point where feminists in general became massive targets for trolls, so yeah if you sit in your feminism 101 class and look to your left, then look to your right, one of those two women are likely to make you and your sisters look like a joke. You know what warms me the most, when a man and a woman just work together and not against each-other. I find with many feminists the target is the man and not the inequality and I can’t understand why they can’t be fucking polite. When I converse with someone I’m always civil but when you’re being shitty and rude because I disagree with some facets of your belief system, (You know the conspiracy to keep all women down?) That’s when I start being an asshole and you get a little wake up call. If you could talk to me, I may even be able to see your point of view. But no, there’s no moderation with them. I mean shit we’re not the enemy. Not all of us.

I don’t have a problem with the basic ideals of feminism but what I have a problem with is the feminists I’ve described here.
It has been my privilege.
Misanthropist.

Why do I even call these people ‘friends’

Posted in Men, Misanthropy, People, Smoking, Technology, Uncategorized, Useless information. with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2012 by MISANTHROPIST

The other day I ventured outside, shocking I know.  The lack of a certain woman in my life and boredom drove me to consider going out with my friends. My mistake. I went to a friend’s house and when I got there he was playing on his Xbox 360, a game called fallout 3.  As much as I love sitting quietly watching someone play Xbox I didn’t come out for that reason. I was talking and just catching up because I haven’t seen friend B in a long while. Friend A was sitting there holding his head during the time I was talking to friend B.

Now incase you don’t already know this: I don’t respect people’s privacy. You gain valuable insight into the people you know by reading their correspondence with others. After asking friend A to borrow his phone in order to message my significant other, after sending said message I noticed he had sent a message to friend B who was in the same room not 5 minutes earlier. This message read ” I wish I had bought him with me he’s killing my buzz.”

Now I don’t understand why he couldn’t tell me himself. I keep the company of spineless idiots it seems. I sent a message to friend B that read    ‘I’m killing his buzz lol, how cool is that?’
You might be wondering why I would do that, the reasoning behind it was to show them how stupid they are being. From reading further on I find out the game he is playing is actually my game. Straight away I pull them up about it which is when friend A (An expert bullshitter) tried to tell me that he called to ask me if it was okay.

I know he did not but I left it because I didn’t care that he had my game, I’m not that petty. Later friend A screwed friend B over by taking some of his tobacco on the pretext that friend A would share his smoke him. He obviously did not, he smoked it and then left. I used this opportunity to tell friend B that I know he never called me to ask. He then admitted to this but said he asked friend A to call and ask and he did not do so.
I really don’t care too much that he has my game but if one of them had just said ‘yeah mate I gave your game to friend B’ I wouldn’t have a problem at all.

It seems the people I call friends have an inability to be honest when it comes to me. Snakes in the grass or just idiots?
Misanthropist.

Sunday 2: Ranted (R)

Posted in America, England, Foods, General, How to lose friends and offend people, Idiotic groups/people, London 2012, Love, Men, Misanthropy, Music, People, Technology, The Internet., TV, Uncategorized, Unpopular Opinions., Useless information. with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2012 by MISANTHROPIST

 

It’s Sunday again and in a few hours, while half of Britain is violently masturbating to Songs of praise I will be fucking bored out of my mind as on any normal Sunday. The fact that Sunday is shit coupled with my fucking oven dying on me and having no money means that this Sunday will be especially shit, a Sunday of Sundays if you will. If my friend is busy with his girlfriend and my significant other is busy I am what is known as fucked.

I’m reviewing for you and myself what I can do tomorrow. The weather is shit which has never stopped me before but my friends are also shit which has stopped me many-a-time, so going out is a no. I have no money so anything involving money including eating a nice meal or getting drunk off my ass is out of the question. I began considering kicking children but alas there are none around and I’m told that it’s cruel and the screams are not of enjoyment but pain. The TV is a pile of wank as always. Why do you even have to pay to view it. It isn’t like there’s ever anything on unless you’re fond of jersey shore or shitty soaps that are, for some reason, a national favorite.

There’s fuck all to do except grill chicken, at least there’s the internet with all of it’s idiots, pornography and cat videos. What a good time that’ll be. I can watch porn while laughing at cats, give me a bottle of cider, some cheap cigarettes and fake designer clothes and I’ll just join the unwashed masses who have no idea what voting is let alone how to vote. The furthest ahead they can plan is to try to tell me they need a pound to see their daughter in hospital.

This man was obviously lying to me so I said if that was my daughter was hospitalized I wouldn’t be stopping to beg for change. I’d be hauling ass down to the hospital. By the way I’m not that much of a dick, I know he was lying because this is a regular thing. I straight away tell him to fuck off when he asks me for money nowadays.

I guess the point of this post is that tomorrow is going to be one hell of a shitty day. I’m writing this to reveal to you a microcosm of my shitty existence right now. If it wasn’t for the lucky lady who  puts up with my shit I’d have gone crazy a long time ago. I’d like to have kids but I’m really not ready yet but when I am and they arrive I’m keeping them far away from this shit-hole. I’ll tell them stories about it before bed and they’ll wake me up with nightmares about Burberry-clad chavs chugging liter after liter of cider and trying to ‘borrow’ a cigarette from you.

When the time comes and I have enough money I think I’m going to do something special every Sunday. Later in life I think I will take Sundays to do something special with my children. Their mother is going to make them go to church till they’re 18 as a sort of tradition until they’re old enough to make their own decision. Which is when I will turn them to the dark side. Nobody should have to wake up that early on a Sunday, not even god if he’s there listening. I might take them for ice-cream or all of us for a meal. We also agreed that our children will attend no church activities without their mother because I’m uncomfortable with the prospect of my children being molested. Misanthropy= distrust+News reports=No fucking way.

Since we’re on this subject, family life is different in America. At least in the middle class. I love how family will go out for meals. The American family is still pretty strong compared to here. I enjoy the closeness for the most part. It awesome that these people can and want to spend time together. It’s nice. I have no contact with most of my immediate family and all my extended family. I wouldn’t change that though. Coming from a lower class background I am instantly better off in America. The money goes further and family don’t need to live by the paycheck. It’s nice to be able to want something and have the change in your pocket to go get it.

If I don’t change it Sunday will forever be a shitty day in my mind, as soon as I have the power I will change that. It looks like my Sunday will be full of guitar. At least it’s productive. That and the company of the lucky woman who gets to hear my bitch about my day should get me by. This has been a weird rant and thanks for sticking with me through laughing, cringing or being outright offended. All this bullshit and I can’t even have a damn cigarette.
Misanthropist.