Archive for the Christmas Category

This Christmas.

Posted in Christmas with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 28, 2016 by MISANTHROPIST

I felt as if this year would be the year things would finally work out boy was I wrong. I’m basically back where I started without a job or a partner. Like the Ouroboros I’ve come full circle and essentially devoured my own tail.
As for my ex: it went out not with a bang but as the embers of a fire would, it slowly died. Lack of communication from her end being the water the doused the flame. Obviously I’m not without fault here but had she spoken to me when it was relevant we’d be happy right now.

The worst of it was the message I recieved as I sat down for my Christmas meal. Before that I was angry but after I couldn’t even eat my food. Again, nothing too dramatic but it cut deep. It read ‘I love you’ and those three words were a knife to the heart.

I’ve had an awful Christmas. I barely drank anything. I barely ate and didn’t so much as smoke a cigarette. You know you’re upset when the heartbreak causes you to forgo a nicotine addiction. I’m upset and I don’t think she’ll come back.

To that end I set about meeting people and I met one. A French Arab girl and things moved quite fast between us. Maybe too fast, I haven’t heard much from her since but I know she won’t forget about me. I’ll hear from her when she’s not busy.

Aside from that there’s the one girl I was talking with before I met my ex. Had things gone well I’d be dating her and I know that for a fact. She has a boyfriend now, she’s cooled down a bit but she’s keeping me around and I know why. That’s a matter of time.

If nothing ever happened between us I’d still be happy to have her as a friend. She’s a good woman and deserves happiness. Probably would have made an amazing girlfriend. She’ll make a man very happy one day.

I’m kinda disgusted with myself at how quickly that happened with the other girl. I feel like I’ve finally become fully steeled to loss. I don’t know how else to explain it but I’m happy to know I’m still marketable. Something kinda weird happened.

You see English girls are not really forward until they’ve consumed enough alcohol to begin the ritual that attracts a mate. Shit, Attenborough should narrate that last sentence… There was a Russian girl with her mother next to me at the lights.

I catch the sight of these beautiful ice blue eyes and assume she’s just looking around but upon looking and glancing away then back again I noticed she wasn’t hearing her mother but looking at me. Suddenly our eyes lock because she realised I was looking back and she gave me the warmest smile.

I should have asked for a number. When your heart is broken you don’t think that way. Still those piercing blue eyes were really something. Again it’s nice to know I’m still marketable.

In the end I spent my Christmas Eve talking to an old friend I met through the creation of this blog, it was nice to catch up. We don’t get to talk so often but I do enjoy talking to him. If he were in the same country as myself we would be hitting the bars. Thanks for the talk mate. I needed that.

I’ve had writer’s block for some time, that and dealing with my relationship problems have stopped me from writing. I was able to write a full post this time so I’m guessing I’m doing better.

I’m still not entirely comfortable with how quickly I’m progressing because I obviously love my ex and I don’t feel it’s fair to hurt another woman because of it. I’m keeping my possibilities open. Or at least I justify it that way. It’s a mixture of loneliness and being a man.

New Years is going to be a party I’m sure. There’s always company on New Years so it’ll be acceptable. It’s the loneliness that bleeds you to death with it cuts you. My modus operandi at the present is surround myself with people, occupy myself with distractions and drink to enjoy not to get buzzed. I don’t need to be emotional right now.

All said it was nice to have family around. I got a games console, two guitars and some army boots. This is the most I’ve recieved since I was 15. It was nice to open something. If she were here, despite the shit we went through it would have been perfect. I play as though I’m alright but yeah it does hurt and I do love her deeply.

I can’t just sit here crying about it however. I’ve been around enough to know that you get upset and try to reconcile and they go with the first dude who gives them the feelies. Usually you get a message six months later stating their regret etc but but then you’re already in a relationship or seeing someone.

This isn’t a fairytale love, I’m not going to sit here and wallow in sadness waiting for Cinderella to come back and claim the glass slipper she smashed across my head. I’d love to have her back but I’m old enough to know that life rarely gives us such graces.

Right now I need a friend. You can keep your soul, I don’t want a soul mate.

Merry Christmas my ass,


Closed for the holidays…

Posted in Christmas with tags on December 24, 2014 by MISANTHROPIST

I haven’t posted much recently due to having my partner over for the holidays. I’ve been pretty busy, just finished some indian food, having a beer and looking for a smoke soon. Strangely I’ve gone half deaf recently, after having a cold. Maybe I should get that checked out. It’s been an interesting week full of shopping, annoyance and high blood alcohol content. Anyway I’ll keep it short and sweet so have a merry Christmas and I’ll post as soon as I can.

Merry Christmas

Posted in Christmas with tags , , on December 24, 2013 by MISANTHROPIST

It’s been a long and mostly shitty year but here we are again, Christmas Eve. This year I wanted to post something akin to a Christmas message. Firstly I’d like to wish you and yours a merry little Christmas or whatever it is that you celebrate and even if you don’t then have a decent day. My objectives this Christmas include avoiding falling asleep before 5pm and trying not to let Christmas day television kill me inside. I remember when Christmas TV was good, either I’m getting old or it was just never good in the first place, who knows?

All I’ve really done today is final preparations and a little jamming on the guitar to remind my neighbor that it isn’t cool to play the Star Wars theme on the organ at 2am. My guitar is louder. Anyway I’m basically just sitting on my ass which is nice because it has been so busy in the last week. It’s been an interesting month, I’ve made new friends and I’ve been trying to figure out a workable plan for 2014 to ensure I never repeat this abysmal year. I’m actually considering getting a tattoo that says: MMXIII Nunquam iterum. I think that adequately expresses the kind of year I’ve had.

I hate when this happens, I came here with the intention of posting some sort of Christmas message and I’ve managed to bitch about television and 2013 so far, I had better round this up. To my readers, friends I’ve lost, the woman I loved and still love in some capacity and all of the people who I may never meet…

Merry Christmas,

It’ll be lonely this Christmas.

Posted in Christmas, Foods, General, Idiotic groups/people, People, Relationships, Social Media, Useless information. with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 10, 2013 by MISANTHROPIST

It just hit me today, I’m alone again on Christmas. You think as someone who generally dislikes most people I’d be okay with that. It isn’t that I want just anyone to come banging on my door on Christmas Day or anything it’s that I have great memories of past Christmases with my family and the woman I love, those were some of my best memories and the last few haven’t really lived up to them. I don’t know maybe I’m setting my expectations to high or maybe it’s just a chime of pain in a mangled heart. Throw a dart anywhere between those two and you’ll be there. I’m sitting here complaining like I’m completely alone, I have my family which makes me guess this is more about her than my expectations being shattered like glass on the jagged rocks of reality.

You know I hadn’t even realized that it was around two weeks to Christmas. I’ve done everything that can be done until the Christmas Eve when the real insanity begins. We’re dividing and conquering for maximum effect on a day that will, for us, begin at between four and six AM. Good times. I’m now being asked to put the decorations up which is something I’m usually able to escape from by carrying out some other task of greater importance.  It’s really not something I enjoy hanging decorations but I’ll give my family credit for their semi-unique decoration ideas. This Christmas I’ve done everything to ensure I’m going to enjoy it so if I do not then it isn’t Christmas it’s just me being a miserable bastard.

My sister’s boyfriend is a trip. Genuinely a great guy. I had very few requirements for someone dating my sister but I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better choice on her part. I envy the excitement he gets from knowing it’s Christmas soon. He’s like a kid. I’m just waiting for the fucking annoying countdown status’ on Facebook. I used to get visitors on Christmas Day, I may still get one this year maybe two if I’m lucky which is enough for me. I’m not going to get greedy. I’m really looking forward to my dinner that day. I’ll miss America’s little extras that go with the dinner but my waistline will thank me for it. Saying that I’m considering getting egg-nog here to see how it measures up to its American counterpart.

I’m sure I’ll have a few drinks too, I’m looking at a fair range of different drinks I can enjoy. Having the choice will be nice. Guarantee you my go too first drink will either be beer or jack. I like the choice, I’m not bad at mixing my own drinks so maybe I’ll do something a little more classy and tasty. Look at me: Friend, Family member, Misanthrope and raging alcoholic… What’s really funny is I started this post on an incredible downer but through writing it I’ve considered more of the positive aspects than I’d first realized. Maybe the writing helped. I have a habit of writing things down. It gets stored semi-permanently in my memory and having it mapped out for me like that usually helps to cover all angles.

I’m kind of half looking forward to it now because I know the effort has been put in to make this Christmas the best one I’ve had in two years. It’s a damn shame I couldn’t have her here or be there with her but you can’t always get what you want. I think the reason I didn’t know the date is because sometimes it isn’t relevant to me, I’ve just basically found out today’s date right now 15 days until. I’ve got to wait for 13 before I can do anything because of the way I’m paid. It’s bullshit really. Regarding everything else that has occurred at that place: I no longer care. This Christmas pay crap is definitely the last straw. Seriously, fuck them for that. Though I might have my family and maybe a friend or two something will definitely be missing this Christmas…


It’s that time of year again…

Posted in Christmas, England, General, Unpopular Opinions., Useless information. with tags , , , on December 5, 2013 by MISANTHROPIST

I don’t hate Christmas itself but when you get past a certain age Christmas really loses its magic and becomes about the huge list of things you have to procure before the 25th in order to have that single day live up to the expectations of yourself and your loved ones. Christmas day itself is great but the run up to Christmas is an inescapable chore to the point where, when it finally comes around, all you want to do is get into that bottle you’ve been saving and eat your dinner. Then you’re stuffed to the point where you can’t move away from whatever crap it is that is on the television at the time. I do hate the fact that this one day of the year has become a chore but I guess that’s part of growing up.

So we’re all about to spend the next few weeks running around, reserving turkeys and buying alcohol and gifts. The best part about my Christmas this year is that I won’t be seeing a paycheck till Christmas Eve so I’ve had to do what I could with the money I had then run out like a madman at 6am to grab my money and pick up as much as I can in the little time I have. Had we been given any notice of this I could have planned a month ahead and there would be no issue. This basically highlights one of the problems I have with work. You give them your time/effort and they can’t even extend a simple warning for something as important as this. If they cannot extend such common courtesy do I really want to grind for 8 or so hours every day for these people?

I’m already kinda annoyed about not being in America for Thanksgiving. I like that holiday and I’d have had some great company too. I’m determined to make this Christmas at home a semi-decent one. Unlike last Christmas which involved me drinking copious amounts of crappy alcohol that I didn’t even really want. The other thing is this Christmas I’m alone again, I’ve got my family for the best part of the day but that really doesn’t compare to having a woman to enjoy the season with. I won’t let that ruin it for me though. I’ve managed to get enough drink, smoke and food to see me through the couple of days that constitute a very British Christmas.

With all I still need to do I can safely say there’s no way I’m going to be able to enjoy Christmas until the day itself. I can’t remember the last time I got a Christmas gift other than a buddy throwing a beer at me because I need to get into the spirit or something like that. Then there’s the gifts my ex still says she has sitting there for me. That says something right? My friends aren’t really the gift giving type, most of them would rather throw the money into a decent night of getting trashed together over a few games of whatever. Can’t say I’ve ever complained about that plan of action.

At this moment in time I don’t even know if I will enjoy it at all. My best friend will be with his fiancee and other than him my circle is virtually naught. I can go out any time and meet people but I just don’t have the feel for it right now. There’s nobody I want to meet and nobody I can be bothered investing my time in to end up disappointed as per usual. Between the running around, that slight creeping depression, loneliness and all around boredom It’s needless to say that I’m not looking forward to it anymore. Why would I?


Merry Christmas Everyone.

Posted in Christmas with tags , on December 25, 2012 by MISANTHROPIST

There isn’t enough salt in the world. Trust me, I sit here wondering if anyone else knows this feel. I’m not alone for Christmas but damn I miss my woman. Mainly I’m just trying to keep my negativity from killing any small joy I can derive from this day. Well fuck at least I have Turkey, maybe a drink or two. Have a good one though, really. Enjoy the time you have with the people in your life, they might not be around next year.

Merry Christmas, you’ll have a better one than me.