After dark, a golden dawn.

There’s an odd silence to this day. Even with the house full of people it’s quiet. I’m here cooking a meal, for a while it was chaotic but now I’m in the final stages before we actually sit and eat it. Cooking for five this evening. Indian food in general is a long process but usually worth it.

After the last few days I don’t really feel so bad. She went from acting like I’d knifed her in the heart to being absolutely okay in 24 little hours. In my experience that means very few things. Likely none of them good. I’m happy she’s okay but something about it is off. You don’t go from what she told me to completely fine. Well as long as she’s fine. 

Now about me. What am I to do? Reassess the situation and make my move accordingly. It’s not like I’m usually short of company. I admit I do have some amazing women in my life. They are all very different people but each beautiful in their own right. I’m glad I made the effort to meet new people. 

The last few days have been boring to the point where I’ve been in bed before 10pm. To some people that’s very normal but for me it’s usually 12am earliest. I like it better after dark. I’m that bored it feels like I’m stuck passively doing nothing, endlessly. Cabin fever? Whatever you want to call it, it sucks. 

The food was well received. Apparently my cooking has exceeded itself. I think that’s because I literally have nothing else to focus on right now besides the tasks of the day. I’ve enjoyed the peace in some ways but now it’s gotten to the point where doing nothing has grown tedious. 

I’m hoping to do something nice with my evening whatever it may be. Nothing is as I would like it right now but at least it’s peaceful with nothing left fight over. The words of Marcus Aurelius have been helpful to me of late. A friend of mine shares views that mirror those I’m reading. I guess again I concede that she has a point.

I need to live now. I’m going to do something worth doing this evening, I started with the meal, now I’m writing to you. I plan to do something fun, laugh a little maybe. It’s not wonderful here but it is calm. The night from here is whatever I make of it. 



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