If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
Archive for March 19, 2017
Lately I would say the only thing I’ve made progress with is my physical appearance. Lost some weight mainly from not eating much. Results are pretty good. Then I decided to go get a haircut. Although this time I thought about it, chose a few examples and asked my hairdresser to do whichever suited me.
Well she’s definitely worth the money I’ve been paying her. I’ve had lots of looks and compliments which feels strange almost. Women that know me reacted entirely differently. I even ended up getting a random compliment from a guy I used to work with saying I looked good. A few of the people I used to work with are looking at a catch up which I, out of character, arranged.
I’m not going to lie one thing I dislike about the haircut is that if I don’t style it I hate how it looks. I dislike that I have to maintain it but it appears to have been worth the effort. I’m taking better care of myself I suppose. I’m making efforts towards looking like a person again. Apparently I’m doing well.
There’s an odd silence to this day. Even with the house full of people it’s quiet. I’m here cooking a meal, for a while it was chaotic but now I’m in the final stages before we actually sit and eat it. Cooking for five this evening. Indian food in general is a long process but usually worth it.
After the last few days I don’t really feel so bad. She went from acting like I’d knifed her in the heart to being absolutely okay in 24 little hours. In my experience that means very few things. Likely none of them good. I’m happy she’s okay but something about it is off. You don’t go from what she told me to completely fine. Well as long as she’s fine.
Now about me. What am I to do? Reassess the situation and make my move accordingly. It’s not like I’m usually short of company. I admit I do have some amazing women in my life. They are all very different people but each beautiful in their own right. I’m glad I made the effort to meet new people.
The last few days have been boring to the point where I’ve been in bed before 10pm. To some people that’s very normal but for me it’s usually 12am earliest. I like it better after dark. I’m that bored it feels like I’m stuck passively doing nothing, endlessly. Cabin fever? Whatever you want to call it, it sucks.
The food was well received. Apparently my cooking has exceeded itself. I think that’s because I literally have nothing else to focus on right now besides the tasks of the day. I’ve enjoyed the peace in some ways but now it’s gotten to the point where doing nothing has grown tedious.
I’m hoping to do something nice with my evening whatever it may be. Nothing is as I would like it right now but at least it’s peaceful with nothing left fight over. The words of Marcus Aurelius have been helpful to me of late. A friend of mine shares views that mirror those I’m reading. I guess again I concede that she has a point.
I need to live now. I’m going to do something worth doing this evening, I started with the meal, now I’m writing to you. I plan to do something fun, laugh a little maybe. It’s not wonderful here but it is calm. The night from here is whatever I make of it.