A wonderful week this is turning out to be. 

As if this past week wasn’t shitty enough guess who’s birthday is tomorrow. That’s right! My ex fiancée. ‘Now if you’re reading this love don’t worry I’m not talking shit about you, you may even learn something so keep reading…’ 

Now our relationship is a long one, if you read back to the start of this blog you’ll see I’m talking a lot about America and a certain woman in my life whom, despite what has happened, I care about very much. Even to this day she holds a place in my heart and always will.

A few years back she attempted to reconcile with me and I was too stupid to realise what was going on, I’d fallen in love with a Brazilian woman and even when I did realise I could do nothing about it lest I be a heartless bastard. I made the difficult decision to do right. Sometimes I regret it.

She’s engaged now to some douche I will never like. I always get the feeling she’s not entirely happy. She can’t say so at least. They got in a little to deep and now there are incentives to stay put. It’s not like she could up and leave if she wanted to. She didn’t speak to me much this holiday. Busy I guess but there’s one doubt in the back of my mind.

She told me recently he didn’t like her talking to me. Now I respect her relationship. I have no respect for him but her I do. I wouldn’t violate that. I’ve had little fuck boys try to mess with my relationship. Luckily the women I’ve been with dealt with them for the most part. Occasionally a man has to be a man though.

My point is that I hate when others do it so I wouldn’t do it to someone else. Doesn’t matter if it’s a random dude or the douche that is engaged to my childhood sweetheart. I wouldn’t go there out of respect.

I know she doesn’t talk to me much because of him. We’ve known each other for ten years and I’ll outlast this fucker. I’ve served the longest tour. I love this woman and I always will. I have times when I miss her a lot. Like her birthday tomorrow. What I wouldn’t give to kiss that woman one last time…

I’m not sure that she knows how I feel but I saw it in her eyes a while back. If you don’t know someone after ten years then you’re not paying attention. Dispite my feelings I’m happy to have her as a friend and she’s been there through everything.

So I’m going to say happy birthday tomorrow and if their relationship suffers it must be quite fragile to begin with, I would go with saying it’s not her but him. Ever see someone with someone else and think they’re bad for one another. ‘Remember how you did with the Brazilian? Yeah love it’s exactly like that.’

In any case that’s not my choice to make. I want her to be happy even without me and she hasn’t seemed happy for a long time. I don’t doubt they love each other, they have their good times but to me it seems mostly bad. All I can do is wait and see. We will talk sometime soon I imagine.

All I know is I miss having her in my life. However life isn’t a romantic comedy and we mostly likely won’t end up back together. I just miss her as a person and her presence at a time like this would be much appreciated.

If you’re reading this it’s likely that at least a month has gone by since I wrote it and events have unfolded already. If you have any questions I’m a fantastic beast and you know where to find me.

-Misanthropist.

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4 Responses to “A wonderful week this is turning out to be. ”

  1. Wouldn’t worry about this stuff too much, yeah i know its difficult but you’ll get through it. I still hold flames for my old flames but I know because what they did I can never get back together with them, but I still love them… yay complicated stuff!

    • Emotions man… powerful things.

    • I’m not really fussed at this point. I’m still marketable which is nice to know. I’ll be fine. I always am, because I have to be. I just fear I’m growing cold. This barely glanced off me despite my love for her. I’ve been lucky that they’ve never been unfaithful to me, that’s a different kind of pain. I hope to never experience it. It’s always complicated isn’t it?

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