Don’t you just hate these f**king nights…

The ones where you fell asleep way too early and woke up at 11.30pm. Everyone else in the house is asleep so no company. The only other person you might want to talk too is one that you probably shouldn’t, to top that all off your Xbox is broken.
I have the wonderful single male dinner of beer and pizza. Kinda shit when you’re used to having your half naked partner cook you up something amazing. Well at least I have weed and beer right? I could go be a total stoner and watch animated comedy like Ugly Americans but I’d much rather watch a documentary, nature, something with beautiful visuals. The only shit about having your friend live with you is: you can’t watch David Attenborough on your HD TV at 1.30am because he sleeps on the couch…

Yes I have the internet but it’s not the same. Probably why I’m writing, it’s about time I started too. Wouldn’t you say? I’m sitting in my kitchen bored as hell smoking a joint and drinking a beer at 1am… I wonder if I’m in mourning. 

I’m still not too happy of an individual despite my situation with my ex not being a worse case scenario. Still it hurts and sometimes you just have to hold your hands up and say ‘hey, I fucked up.’ 

Learn from me, don’t neglect a person you love and even more so don’t neglect a person who loves you. Pay attention because if you don’t your intentions will matter for nothing. If you don’t heed that warning then you better tuck and go my friend.

Yes, I’m sad about it. Anyway I don’t want to go into much more detail. We both made mistakes but she was a good woman and I can’t say a bad thing about her. I’ll see her again in a few months, and there’s still feelings there. Things are bound to happen. Hopefully we can stay close.

I’ve been throwing myself, uncharacteristically, into social situations. I’m told it’s good for you. I’m half enjoying it. I missed a house warming party with my enemy turned friend by virtue of getting my days mixed up. Failing bad. One good thing that came of my non-attendance was I know I was wanted by the reaction I got. Apparently I’m quite well liked.

I have no real plans for the next week. I will have money so maybe I should make some. The issue is the lack of anything around here and that my friend has an aversion to travelling into London for good food. That reminds me, I was told in work by a label representative that I had very middle class sensibilities when we spoke about going out to eat. 

I suppose being able to pass for something other than working class could help me out. I’d like to thank my momma for raising me right, the teachers who gave a damn, the internet and of course my ex. I guess I learned something from all of them.

You know what’s been bothering me lately? To the point of distraction… It’s been clawing at me and I’ve only just started to ponder an answer… Now it’s no joke that I work a pretty shit job. Imagine the best shit job. Pay isn’t great but it’s constant and the job has unique benefits. It’s comfortable but not enough. I need an alternate stream of revenue. I’d prefer something active but a passive income stream would be good too. To round this all up. I need money. 

I hate to say this but money does make the world of difference in your life. It doesn’t make you happy, that depends on you alone but what it does do is make you comfortable. I don’t desire to be rich but I’d like to be more than comfortable. Love doesn’t seem to work yet so I should probably go for making money this time around. Focus on my economic situation. I have the why but not the how at this moment. I need to put thought into that.

I’ve really dragged you guys along on this one. I’m attempting not to be so introspective this evening. I may even be enjoying writing. Gets a lot of your chest. I’ve noticed this since the whole breaking up thing, I’m making an effort with my appearance and going out, maintaining a decent relationship with her while building new friendships and it just feels like I’m doing it by the book. It’s fucking weird. Actually my whole life is fucking weird. 

Someone, somewhere must be entertained by all this…  

-Misanthropist.

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