Why is nothing simple? I won’t lie to you, I’m tired. Very tired. Some days I wish I wouldn’t wake up and if this is a dream then wake me. I’m hurt, I will say that. I’m not sure what hurts more, that the love is still there or that it’s over. For me, this ending was premature. There’s a lot that I hate myself for, a lot I would have done differently.
Have you ever been so consumed with the idea of seeing someone that you begin to neglect the person? I have. It was one of my many mistakes. Strange thing is that I know we will collide again, I’m not sure why I’m not happier about it. Love is a funny thing and this person really mattered to me.
It doesn’t happen often, that connection I mean. Maybe that’s why it’s so special when it does. Why I put so much of myself into these things and why I usually feel kinda destroyed when it goes bad. I did learn something from it. This break up wasn’t messy but it was confusing. She’s still in my life and apparently she still loves me and wants to see me. It’s strangely like we’re still together. Until I remember we aren’t. Then again reality is often harsh and disturbing and I should deal with it.
I’m tired of losing people who matter to me. And tomorrow work begins again…