Namaste, me and IT.

It’s been a while hasn’t it? My apologies. I’ve been on a computer course and between that, some other issues and being ill I haven’t had much of a chance to post anything. There’s so much going on in the world right now, so much to write about that I can hardly think of where to begin. Lets start with the small things. My computer course. At the mercy of the job center’s infinite wisdom I was sent on an IT course with a company called Learn Direct. I attended an interview to find that they didn’t provide courses of a high-caliber, nothing there interested me so I went with something basic and useful an IT course which I would use to brush up on IT and combat my lack of Excel knowledge. It wasn’t like I really had a choice, the illusion of choice is not the JSA’s forte.

A month after the interview I did the diagnostic tests required which I basically smashed so I was put onto the higher course provided. The weekend went by and I came on monday as I was due to. The first thing that struck me was the instructors hairstyle. Japanese, I’d seen zen practitioners and samurai portrayed with that hair before. This man was no samurai. On examination I noticed a herbalife pill dosset box which lead me to surmise that he was a buddhist or health nut who took tenants of buddhism into his life style. Thinking back he was a pale man, small in stature. Probably a vegetarian which leads me to believe he was a buddhist, most likely of the zen variety. Either way the herbalife made me chuckle internally.

The rest of my class were very poorly versed in IT with the exception of myself and another girl recently out of school. There were a bunch of people I never interacted with at all during the entire course but of the ones I did speak to, these were the most interesting. Firstly there were the ‘The Only Way Is Essex twins’ a walking stereotype of Essex girls. If you know what TOWIE is I need say no more. Then the 70-year-old woman who used Google plus and had 100 followers on Twitter, to be honest the fact that she had a Twitter account or even knew how to turn a computer on was amazing in itself. I should have checked her bag for a Guy Fawkes mask.

My first day ended very quickly with me going home four hours early. The class and tests were for Microsoft Word, a program I’ve been using since before I can remember. I learned a little about functions I was previously unaware of but other than that I passed the tests without reading any of the material. This is around the point that the course began to annoy me. If the instructor had let me do the course in my own order I would have been able to finish it in three days, we were told it should take seven to eight. He would not let me continue after the Word exam so I decided to leave early, that early day combined with one day of illness put me behind meaning the course took me about five days out of the eight. I could have blitzed that course in three.

Something I always found annoying about education and work was that I was always made to follow a path set out for me instead of giving me free reign over my job or study. If I had been allowed to do things my own way work/study would be completed at least three times faster. One other thing that annoyed me with the MS Word unit was the Mail merge part, mail merge is outdated and nobody I know uses it. It is useful but I’m pretty sure most Email providers have an equivalent tool available to their users. Mail merge is an outdated feature. The next unit was Microsoft Power Point, another program I am extremely well versed in. I’ve given presentations to the board of Executives at London City Airport. I think I can handle making a power point presentation.

Another issue I found was that the software they were using, while helpful to people who know nothing of IT, was fucking me up. During the testing if you tried to use a keyboard shortcut or a left click shortcut it would count as one try on the question. This didn’t only apply to shortcuts but also many other helpful features that we use day-to-day on a computer. The whole thing had started to piss me off by day two and the instructor had begun to irritate me to the point where I began to call him ‘Namaste’ in a mocking tone. As I had mentioned before the only program I needed any guidance on was Microsoft Excel, I ended up teaching myself as I couldn’t be bothered to wait for namaste to get done with the towie twins who would flutter their fake eyelashes and get the answer from him.

I gained an appreciation for Microsoft Excel from this course, I understand why people hate it but it is a beautiful and extremely useful program if you know how to use it. I’d recommend versing yourself in it, you can create organizers and all sorts of helpful things using it. It may be frustrating at first but it is worth knowing. I think in the end the lowest I scored on any testing was 75%. I wanted to retake it but I was not allowed which further compounded my frustrations with the course. I was late in twice due to my illness and the instructor pulled me in to ‘have a word.’
‘Well aren’t you the cutest thing namaste’ I thought to myself. I told him that I walk to the course, I’m ill and yeah I’m a little late but I’m way in front on the course. In the end the other girl ended up beating me by a day due to my sick day.

Come day two I was so annoyed I began the next few days by waking up, getting ready, eating a small breakfast and rolling myself a nice joint for the walk there. A joint at 7am you say? Why not? I could use the de-stress and it wasn’t like I was particularly challenged by any of the topics. Just needed some chewing gum and some deodorant to get that acrid yet beautiful smell from my clothing and breath. I passed the course with flying colours and earned something called a European Electronic Driving License, which sounds like total bullshit to me but is an accredited qualification. Let me give you some history, back in school I was dropped into a low set in IT for some reason… Standardized testing came around and my English and Math scores were high enough to put me into the top set where I was told I had three months to finish two years worth of course work. I almost did it and ended up receiving a D,D grade in ITC.

If my school wasn’t a joke I would never have had to take this course. Anyway, its history and I’ve got my grade up now with this certificate so my IT grade won’t be scrutinized. The other reason I took this course was that I saw her dad’s PA in action. He was an idiot by all accounts and it made me wonder if PA work was the way to go. He seemed to do very little for what he was paid, I thought maybe I should get in on that. He purchased a plane ticket for her then began to crap himself after he had not received any email conformation from the airline, this was because he had used her email address instead of her father’s one. Imagine if that was a bid for a business contract, he would have lost it. Like I said, an idiot.

I was considering doing further courses with them but nothing they provide is to my taste. No offense to anyone studying with them, I don’t understand your personal circumstances, but my academic career was not a total failure. I don’t really need anything they offer but I do appreciate the knowledge I did gain from the course even if it was slow and frustrating at times.
-Misanthropist.

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