She wants me to socialize more.

I’ve been told I’m anti-social. You don’t say!  I run a blog called Alpha Misanthropos, I’m sure that implies some level of anti-social tendencies. Anyway it’s safe to say I’m not a sunshine person, I don’t really require people and the few I do actively seek social contact with are chosen based on their merits. I don’t jump into conversations with strangers very often. She seems to require people and thrive on social contact which in itself isn’t a bad thing, I like that she genuinely cares about people. We’re on very opposite ends of the spectrum in that regard. For me to care about someone they have to prove that they’re worth it. I stopped investing in people a long time ago, that isn’t to say I don’t invest in people at all but yeah I’m usually sure they’re worth it. I don’t tend to take chances on people.

I don’t want to turn her into a hardened cynic or misanthropist, that was never my aim. I think she’s still taken back by the way I can make a call on an individual and usually be correct about them, within a short time of meeting them. I’ve warned her about certain people she knows and I’ve been right every time. I think it annoys her a little, I’m not an ass about it and when I do it I’m acting in her best interests as anyone would for somebody they love. Recently hearing her say ‘I’m done with people’ made me uneasy, I really don’t want to turn her into me. It’s nice to have someone who still sees some beauty in the world. It’s nice for me to have that counter weight. It may not be all sunshine and rainbows but it isn’t all doom and gloom either. Sometimes I need to be reminded of that.

I really hope that she never loses that innocence. It’s hard not to in the world we live in. In my experience there is nothing worse than a sunshine person having their view of humanity challenged. It sucks to see someone broken like that, I may not be humanity’s biggest fan but I’m not sadist I do not enjoy suffering in any form. For me personally one of life’s goals is the reduction of suffering. First one’s own suffering then the suffering of those they love. Pain is mandatory, suffering is not. Luckily she’s optimistic enough to brush it off as a mistake and something out of her control, I’m proud of her for that. Both of us have a tendency to be hard on ourselves for our mistakes but there comes a time when you have to acknowledge that what happened was completely out of your control.

I agreed to socialize more, mainly because she worries about my anti-social behaviors and tendency to deal with my own problems silently. I started with people I know and already like, the guy I do guitar work for, my friend Ben and an old school friend who I struck up a friendship with despite years of us hating one another. It’s funny when you always disliked a person then you realize you have so much in common. Sometimes you just need a different environment or change of perspective. I also talked to a few random strangers, mostly small talk in an effort to be more social. She’s beginning to realize that being social does nothing for me in most cases. In my own words I can take or leave it.

I think when I first began to make judgement calls on one or two of her friends she thought I was an ass or paranoid but you can only be right so many times before they have to admit you have a point. A lot of the time I find myself being right about people even when I want to be wrong. It sucks. It drastically reduces the number of people I’m willing to make an effort for. If you already know the outcome then why bother? I don’t pick up many people along my journey but my attitudes toward them means that the ones I do pick up are good. I don’t have many people in my circle but the ones I do have are worth their weight in gold. Personally I’d rather have 4 or 5 good people than 50 shit ones.

I’m currently arguing the point that rather than being anti-social I am selectively social. Is that a bad thing, or limiting in any way. I don’t believe so.


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