Today my dog passed away.
There’s nothing like digging a grave to top off what has by all accounts been a fucking horrible week. My dog has been in a bad way for a few days now and when it’s almost time you just know, you can see it in their eyes. Funny how you go through it so many times but it never gets any easier. If it were a person I’d probably handle it better, I’ve seen people die slowly and quickly. It’s never pretty, there really is no such thing as dignity in death. There’s nothing dignified about it. So yeah I’m pretty fucking upset to put it lightly. It’s not every day you sit by a pile of freshly turned dirt in your garden crying like a child while you drink a beer and drag on a cigarette like your life depended on it.
It’s been mentally exhausting to watch her suffer, I considered helping her along but I didn’t have the heart to do it. I’d hoped she’d die at home in her sleep. The last thing I wanted was her to be stressed out in a place she doesn’t know. I reason that all any sentient being wants when the end comes is not to be alone. More loyal than my ex and more reliable than a lot of my two-legged friends, she was a good dog and member of our family. She’ll be missed. I’m an expert a loss of late but this hit me damn hard. If only I could find a human being who is half as loyal…
So yeah I’m going to continue drinking now.