Party time!

About a month back I received an invitation to the birthday party of a family friend, a friend who is more like a part of the furniture, it was one of those milestone birthdays so I was expected to attend. I had initially thought of ways to get out of it and maybe do something nice for her on a separate occasion because she’s a good friend and I enjoy her company. In the end, with much complaining from my sister, I resigned to the fact that I was going to this party. In the month leading up to the party my anticipation of it eventually turned into enthusiasm. I thought about going to see the doctor because it had been so long since I actually looked forward to anything.

The day of the party finally came around, my mother and sister had been getting ready for the best part of the day between cleaning the house. I never saw the point in getting ready any sooner than an hour before leaving, we have animals so you’d probably end up picking up dog or cat hair. Maybe I’m just lazy I don’t know. We planned to leave my place together. My mother, sister, her boyfriend and myself. We ended up with a few others tagging along because we’re all going to the same place so why not? Shortly after this development I was informed that the bar was not free. Wonderful for someone who can’t get drunk on two beers and doesn’t have a job. Not a problem though, I’m there for the birthday not the alcohol.

I had been worried about being over dressed, I had a nice shirt, trousers and shoes. I was going for smart since this was a function hall. In the end I just said ‘Fuck it. I don’t care.’ I ended up being the best dressed guy there. I also messed with keeping some facial hair for the first time in my life, so they didn’t waste my time asking for ID before serving me. I got a few comments on it, all good ones. Great success! I ended up keeping it seeing as the reception was good. We eventually arrived at the venue, walked in and surprise we hardly knew anyone there other than her parents and a few other familiar faces. I said hello and happy birthday to the birthday girl, handing over the card and gifts as you do in these situations.

I was then forced to introduce myself and make small talk with a bunch of people I don’t know at all which is always fun. After this I was happy to be informed that there was in fact a tab behind the bar. I went up for my first drink joined by my entire family and Stella Artois sounded like the good idea, I like my beer to taste like beer and not spring water. In the time it took us to drink that beer my mother, sister and sisters boyfriend had firmly planted their asses onto seats with no intention of moving. This was probably due to not knowing anyone and not caring to, they were basically only there for the birthday girl.

After some more beer the birthday girl informed us that if she had her way half of these people wouldn’t even be there. It made me kinda glad I’m not close to my extended family, if I had to invite people to avoid pissing them off I’d just cancel the damn party altogether. Is it really worth spending your entire night surrounded by people you hate just to appease the family as a whole? Nope. She ended up sitting with us most of the night unless her mother called her over to talk to another person she wanted nothing to do with. I felt for her, I get the feeling she’d much rather have come back to our place for a quiet one then go back home later to spend the rest of the evening with her mother, father and the few family members she did like.

The food was opened and it was bad. I don’t think I’d have enjoyed it even if I was drunk. Maybe bad is strong but yeah party food needs to be served soon after cooking or it just loses all its flavor. It wasn’t their fault, more of a logistical issue seeing as they drove the food here from their home around 40 miles away. That and the fact that it was just herself and her mother doing the cooking. I did make a discovery, I particularly enjoy shrimp vol au vents so it wasn’t a complete loss. Apparently I walked past a lot of food without realizing it was even there, If I had known I might have eaten more. I spent the entirety of the next morning being told about all this food I walked past that I would have eaten if I had known it was there.

As the night wound on I saw a bottle of jager behind the bar and wondered to myself if the establishment would serve jagerbombs as I had began to get tired and wanted a pick-me-up/decent buzz, the beer just wasn’t doing it for me. The strangest thing about the jagerbombs here was that they were made with Monster energy drink instead of the standard Redbull, a little weird but I was going to complain about free alcohol. My sister’s friend decides to follow suit and before we know it we’d had at least four jagerbombs each, we were joined at the bar by my sister’s boyfriend and the birthday girls significant other who stuck to Jack and coke. Personally I can’t drink Jack with coke, I start feeling sick after two or three so I always have it with lemonade or just straight.

My mother eventually left for home due to work in the morning or just being plain bored. This is when my sister’s friend decided he’s going to drink in time with me. Something I wouldn’t suggest to anyone. The girl behind the bar seemed quite impressed with my drinking, not sure why but she would come back and forth making small talk with me. She was a little Essex for my taste but yeah she seemed nice enough. After a few more Dave informs me that he’d like to acquire a smoke for the rest of the evening ahead, something I again advised him against doing seeing as most people don’t handle the mixture well but he insisted so we stayed a little longer with the birthday girl before headed back home. In this time I also met her brother who went to the same school and that one uncle, you know what I mean…

After the long walk back to my place we sat in and I made a few calls to no avail. When can you not get weed on a Saturday night? I mean these guys call themselves dealers. If that’s your job then that’s your job but surely you make sure you have bud on a Friday and Saturday, the amount of business you could do on those two days alone is more than most people make in a week. After an hour of calling various people I was about to give up when I had a eureka moment, I walked down the road to see another friend who smokes like a chimney and he called a friend of his to come drop it off. To my surprise when he arrived he turned out to be a shady fuck I went to school with. I always said he’d end up being a drug dealer. Called it.

I checked it over, good quality but the quantity was lacking. Not a problem seeing as this was a one time thing and I’m unlikely to see him ever again and dave was willing to take anything as long as he could have a smoke. He’s one of those people who smokes once in a blue moon so he wasn’t particularly concerned as long as it got him stoned. On the way back he had mentioned feeling a little sick so I kept him talking and made sure he had some water, he must have been a lot more wrecked than he looked but he didn’t say anything more about it so we continued on and thought nothing of it. I proceeded to roll the first one and light it up, we passed it back and forth, soon enough it was ash in the tray.

We had a few conversations regarding vidya among other things and other the course of the next hour I watched him slowly deteriorate into a slouch. He then informs me he feels sick again and I tell him that if he’s going to throw up he should do it in my toilet and I’ll grab him some water or make him food when he feels better, the usual stuff you do for a drunk friend. In the middle of telling me he feels like he’s going to throw up for the third time he actually vomits, in my kitchen of all places. Good thing my flooring is stone. He vomits twice more, by this point he was comatose and not moving from his chair aside from dry heaving so I grab him some water, a bucket and begin cleaning the remains of his last meal.

I offer to take him home once the vomiting has stopped and he declines so I offer him my couch for the night. He ended up waking in the morning and leaving his weed stating that he didn’t want anymore because it wrecked him so badly the night previous. Free weed is best weed! Safe to say he learned his lesson and won’t be drinking like that again, all it took was one spliff to send him into a coma or maybe the jagerbombs did it. Either way I felt responsible so I looked after him and make sure he was sleeping on his side in case he vomited in his sleep. I don’t really fancy Horatio Caine and the team showing up here. Kids man, he may be of legal age but until you can handle your drink you are still a kid.

It was a good night all in all and she had a great birthday. I even had a good night aside from cleaning vomit and nursing this comatose hulk of a man back to some semblance of sobriety, my sister and her S.O arrived home later on and her first words to me are ‘what have you done to David?’ To which I replied ‘He did it to himself.’ My sister did her usual Florence Nightingale bit and checked on him throughout the night. I ended up going to bed around about three am after considering writing about my night. Maybe I should go out more often or judging by Dave maybe I shouldn’t. In all I’m quite glad I went even though my initial reaction was to do a barrel roll.

-Misanthropist.

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