Re-post. No, not the reddit kind…

In retrospect airing my personal problems on the internet isn’t the smartest of ideas, going into details without fully explaining the Trilogy to you all would be pointless. All I can say is I’m hurt, quite badly actually. I hit a point where I didn’t think your heart could break twice. We all make mistakes but some are definitely worse than others. Careful deception implies a direct intent to deceive. I was always taught that you’re honest with the people you love. Turns out this is not always the case.  A volatile reaction to such a grand deception was a given. Honestly I’m not proud of the things I said but what’s done is done. The offer to fix things was sweet, really, but coating a blade in honey doesn’t make the wound any less painful.

I’d play as though I’m alright but the fact that I was drinking beer at 5am because I couldn’t sleep determines that was a lie. I guess it was a manly and acceptable form of a break down, well fuckin’ bravo me. I’ve never shook with anger before in my life. In fact before all this I don’t think I knew what anger was. I drank way too much and smoked cigarettes just sitting there for a while. I can’t let my life stop because of it. I’m just focusing on not falling into depression because it just isn’t worth it.  Depression helps nobody. I guess I’ve learned a lesson from all this. It sucks but pain is the best educator. Just to think, all of this pain could have been avoided by telling the truth, even a bitter truth. Sometimes I wonder if people will ever learn.

The most insulting thing is, that for a second there she thought I was stupid.


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