Archive for February, 2014


Posted in Music with tags , , , , , on February 27, 2014 by MISANTHROPIST

I’m getting pretty heavily into making music recently which is another reason I’ve been quiet. I’ve been sending samples back and forth and recording sounds to be mixed into beats, even stupid things like the sound of a tap dripping. I spent a lot of time thinking about how guitar can go into this type of music. It has to be fast, rhythmic and fit perfectly into the track but at the same time I want it to be mine, noticeably mine. I want people to hear the track and think ‘damn, that guitar…’ I’m trying to make it fit in but make it distinct, with its own bite. I want people to remember the guitar on the track above everything else. The guy making the album wants to give away a track to get people interested in the rest, he also had the idea of giving the proceeds of the first two singles to a charity which I thought was very nice of him. We haven’t decided which charity but personally I was thinking a homelessness charity because sometimes people need a hand up to get off the streets and into temp accommodation or some form of housing. This is something my friend at the studio knows all to well. If you’re on the streets and you don’t know anyone you’re pretty screwed, nobody should have to live on the streets in this day and age.


I’m a booty call?

Posted in General Dumbassery, People, Relationships, women with tags , , , , on February 27, 2014 by MISANTHROPIST

I logged into Facebook and noticed I had a message. I don’t usually answer these straight away so I went back to my beer and checked it after I was done. I definitely did not expect to read that, apparently a girl I know quite well is looking for some play. Until now I wasn’t aware that guys could be booty calls but apparently I am. I’m posting this up here as an outlet for my surprise. Maybe I’m defective but I can’t really separate feelings from sex, I’ve never been good at that, I always reasoned that to sleep with someone you must like them in some way be it physical or whatever. I’m sitting here wondering what the hell I did right last time. I mean I helped with cooking and cleaning which I thought was something you do when someone is putting you up for a week, it just seemed like good manners to me. Come to think of it she did complain to me about how her flat mates were slobs and how I’m the only guy who ever helped her clean her place and cooked for her. I guess a life time of living with women is paying off now that I’m older, I still struggle to understand them at times.

‘I don’t do relationships but if I did it might be with you.’

Was that a compliment?

On poverty and pasta.

Posted in Foods, Uncategorized with tags , , , on February 27, 2014 by MISANTHROPIST

A few years back when I was, essentially, transatlantic I was putting a lot of my money away to fund my travels and during that time I became quite well acquainted with pasta. This whole episode was self-inflicted, yes but love does funny things to you. I basically lived on pasta for around 6-8 months and learned what tastes best with it in terms of spices and the different sauces you can make with a tin of tomatoes and a semi-filled spice rack. That isn’t to say I didn’t have meat with it, sometimes chicken and beef were added I made chilli a lot which is something I still love today.

I don’t really eat pasta that much anymore unless it’s with chilli or a decent Italian meal. Not having much really teaches you a lot about cooking and flavoring up the blandest of meals. I could cook before this point but I think during this time I learned the flavor that each herb and spice would add to a food and which ones mix well. Another person I have to give some recognition too is my good friend, before the baby was set to arrive he partook in other herbs, needless to say he was a massive stoner and quite inventive with his food. He gave me a few recipes for great bacon and some unexpected combinations I still use.

A walking study in Demonology.

Posted in Alcohol, General, Job hunting, Misanthropy with tags , , , , , on February 27, 2014 by MISANTHROPIST

Alcohol can induce the strangest dreams or simply put I drank too much last night while trying not to dwell on what might have been. I must focus only on what is ahead, if one spends too long looking back they may never move forward. It’s funny though, the power of memories to bring back pain and remind you of your mistakes. Love letters read like obituaries and photo albums become books of the dead, whoever said time heals wounds probably lied. I wonder why I let it bother me, it has happened before and it will happen again. I’m nomadic socially speaking, when the earth is salted I pick up and move on but something keeps me lingering. I’ve moved away from the ashes of what was because no tear ever put out a fire but I can’t seem to help looking back at the smoke.

A friend of mine told me I had to learn to love myself. I usually let other people do that for me because if I took a moment to examine myself I won’t find much to my liking. Dissecting myself serves little purpose. I’ll take her advice though, clean up, dress well and hit the street with narcissus’ smile. I can at least look good if I’m going to hate myself right? It has really hit me lately just how badly I’ve fucked up, not just because my relationship went to shit but all the things I’ve screwed up along the way, all for love. I have to laugh at how stupid I’ve been over the years because If I didn’t I’d probably be embarrassed. I’ve lived a lifestyle of simplicity on par with a Buddhist monk, if only I were so pure.

I once found joy in the simple things, the heat of the sun, walking and the warmth of another beside myself in bed at the end of the day. First it giveth I guess. I need something more now, an outlet, a purpose. Something to help me carry on. I live a rather empty life you see. To paraphrase someone I know, I’m very much off the reservation at this point, for a while there I had myself fooled. I thought I’d found a home, in a person. I was wrong and for that mistake I have suffered and will continue to suffer for some time. I take a look at my life sometimes and think of the punishment dealt to Sisyphus, I’m doomed to roll that boulder up hill time and time again only to watch it roll back down just as I reach the top of the mountain I climb.

Like Sisyphus I am bound to this hell.

Cut my wings.

Posted in Music with tags , on February 25, 2014 by MISANTHROPIST

The man in black.

Posted in Useless information. with tags on February 23, 2014 by MISANTHROPIST

I recently noticed how I’ve been wearing black and not shaving. Usually I’d put this down to be a lazy ass but upon thinking about it something clicked, I’m in mourning. Apparently these customs are so deeply ingrained that I’m doing these things without even realizing it. A break up is a break up even if it is from someone who was your best friend for a large portion of your life. Come to think of it something did die that day, something in me and something beautiful that we had. It is a shame, a wise man once told me that nothing lasts forever. In my youth I would never have believed him but it turns out he was right, he also told to me to enjoy what I have because one day it will be gone and he was right. I think I’ll keep wearing black until I put this ghost to rest.

She’s got a nickname.

Posted in check your privilege, General, opression, privilege, women with tags , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2014 by MISANTHROPIST

In the rare situation that I meet a girl I like and we get to know each other/become good friends or more I usually end up giving her a nickname. It’s a subtle affection really, only three women in my entire life have been given nicknames and one is no longer a part of my life so that’s down to two. This isn’t something I do regularly is my point. I’ve never received a negative reaction from it and they all loved it in someway or another. I think that’s my way of denoting that they are special to me or I really care about them.

First there’s Red, a lovely redheaded Irish girl who has been through her fair share of crap and loneliness in her hunt for someone special. There was definitely a romantic interest there but to sum it up I’m loyal to a fault and due to circumstance it would be a big no-no. I still care about her though, she’s there for me which I appreciate and I have always done the same. She recently embarked on a relationship with a decent guy whom I’m confident will be good to her. I won’t have to beat him until he’s a vegetable which is nice. She’s a kind, innocent girl and if I can help it I won’t let some asshole turn her into a cynical bastard like me. All in all I’m very happy for her and I wish her the best.

Then there is kittycat. I call her that because when she smiles the edges of her lips turn upward slightly like a cat. She’s also a great girl who carries a great deal with her but hasn’t let it destroy her. She likes me, there’s a definite romantic interest there. It’s also quite cute to see her reaction when I call her kittycat, she blushes, smiles then usually calls me names in Spanish but we both know she loves it. I’m lucky to have her in my life, she’s been a great friend and so much more. I can’t say enough good things about her. Her sense of humor is amazing and yeah speaking with her can be the highlight of my day. Maybe I’m a little more enamored than I first realized.

I’ve never seen anything wrong with giving a girl a nickname, especially if they like it but apparently some women find it offensive, am I really that old-fashioned? Well if it’s offensive to show a verbal display of affection then I guess I’m offensive. If you’re reading this seething with rage and while clasping at feminist literature then you should probably blog about how the cis gendered white male is oppressing women with his affections and after that get a life.

Brb, checking muh privilege.