It’s the waiting that kills you.

I’m sitting here tonight in perfect calm, the rain is hitting the window which is a sound I’ve always loved. It’s a sound I could fall asleep too. It’s a beautiful night, if there’s a perfect night for it then tonight is the night. I’m about to find out what the connection between two people is really worth. There’s a part of me that wants everything to go better than I expected but a wiser battle-scarred part of me that says it won’t. Asks me if I’m going to be surprised when it goes to badly and is going to laugh at me, the way you laugh at an idiot friend whom you’ve  previously told to be cautious. Tonight will potentially be life changing for me. Not in a good way I’m guessing. I don’t make many friends, or I haven’t made many good friends in my life but this one is the one that really matters. Let’s see what it’s worth. I’m strangely looking forward to this because I will get my answers and I will know where I stand and how much I’m really worth to someone or I’ll get the metaphorical punch in the face.

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m some sort of emotional masochist.


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