Now I know why…

That moment you work out why you’re miserable, a moment of clarity if anything. Where you wish you could just pack everything and leave. The days of going wherever your feet will take you are well and truly over if they weren’t I would have left so long ago. I proposed to the women a love about a week from now a few years back. I’m feeling it right now. I put the tree up today and honestly I had no idea you could decorate a Christmas tree bitterly. I surprise even myself sometimes. A friend of mine, my only real friend, told me I was destructive this week. I wonder what he meant. I mean am I destructive because I didn’t settle down and I don’t have a kid on the way now, or is it because I had enough of people’s shit and won’t let it slide. I came very close to reacting violently this week. Sometimes people just need to be taught a lesson. I don’t condone violence. I didn’t react violently in the end but hopefully the person in question knows to avoid me because next time I may not be so restrained.

Maybe I am close to meltdown but I’m not stupid. I admit I’m cutting when I believe someone I trust has wronged me, that’s the price to you pay for crossing a bastard like myself. You play with something sharp you’re going to get cut. I am unbelievably fucking miserable right now. I’ve lost mostly everything I ever loved or cared about. I’ve literally got nothing to lose. Fun times. If I could drink right now I’d be drinking. To top all of this off I have work on Saturday, if I’m going to get fired it’ll be on Saturday. It’s going to take something very small to set me off. I’m not concerned about going off I’m concerned about going off at somebody who doesn’t deserve it. There’s a difference between being angry and destructive. I will soon illustrate this difference…

Why the fuck am I even telling you this? Maybe because I have nobody else.
Who knows…


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