It’ll be lonely this Christmas.

It just hit me today, I’m alone again on Christmas. You think as someone who generally dislikes most people I’d be okay with that. It isn’t that I want just anyone to come banging on my door on Christmas Day or anything it’s that I have great memories of past Christmases with my family and the woman I love, those were some of my best memories and the last few haven’t really lived up to them. I don’t know maybe I’m setting my expectations to high or maybe it’s just a chime of pain in a mangled heart. Throw a dart anywhere between those two and you’ll be there. I’m sitting here complaining like I’m completely alone, I have my family which makes me guess this is more about her than my expectations being shattered like glass on the jagged rocks of reality.

You know I hadn’t even realized that it was around two weeks to Christmas. I’ve done everything that can be done until the Christmas Eve when the real insanity begins. We’re dividing and conquering for maximum effect on a day that will, for us, begin at between four and six AM. Good times. I’m now being asked to put the decorations up which is something I’m usually able to escape from by carrying out some other task of greater importance.  It’s really not something I enjoy hanging decorations but I’ll give my family credit for their semi-unique decoration ideas. This Christmas I’ve done everything to ensure I’m going to enjoy it so if I do not then it isn’t Christmas it’s just me being a miserable bastard.

My sister’s boyfriend is a trip. Genuinely a great guy. I had very few requirements for someone dating my sister but I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better choice on her part. I envy the excitement he gets from knowing it’s Christmas soon. He’s like a kid. I’m just waiting for the fucking annoying countdown status’ on Facebook. I used to get visitors on Christmas Day, I may still get one this year maybe two if I’m lucky which is enough for me. I’m not going to get greedy. I’m really looking forward to my dinner that day. I’ll miss America’s little extras that go with the dinner but my waistline will thank me for it. Saying that I’m considering getting egg-nog here to see how it measures up to its American counterpart.

I’m sure I’ll have a few drinks too, I’m looking at a fair range of different drinks I can enjoy. Having the choice will be nice. Guarantee you my go too first drink will either be beer or jack. I like the choice, I’m not bad at mixing my own drinks so maybe I’ll do something a little more classy and tasty. Look at me: Friend, Family member, Misanthrope and raging alcoholic… What’s really funny is I started this post on an incredible downer but through writing it I’ve considered more of the positive aspects than I’d first realized. Maybe the writing helped. I have a habit of writing things down. It gets stored semi-permanently in my memory and having it mapped out for me like that usually helps to cover all angles.

I’m kind of half looking forward to it now because I know the effort has been put in to make this Christmas the best one I’ve had in two years. It’s a damn shame I couldn’t have her here or be there with her but you can’t always get what you want. I think the reason I didn’t know the date is because sometimes it isn’t relevant to me, I’ve just basically found out today’s date right now 15 days until. I’ve got to wait for 13 before I can do anything because of the way I’m paid. It’s bullshit really. Regarding everything else that has occurred at that place: I no longer care. This Christmas pay crap is definitely the last straw. Seriously, fuck them for that. Though I might have my family and maybe a friend or two something will definitely be missing this Christmas…



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