Archive for March, 2013
Things have been shitty but the cards have been dealt and I’m still here, its like an 18-carat string of bad luck. But the truth is, the game was rigged from the start. I could tell you more about it but I’m afraid it’d just be crying in the rain and lets be honest with ourselves here, who actually gives a fuck?
I guess more than anything this is a post to let people know I’m still kicking and as much as I’d prayed for an end to my suffering it never did come. In the unlikely event that there is a god I get the feeling he wants to see me suffer that little bit more, build me up again and then kill me. If that is the case then this divine comedy is getting old. I once read something about god being a comedian, telling jokes in a room full of people afraid to laugh.
Whatever the case be, I endure, I’ve lived many lives and died many times and yet I am still here. For some god forsaken reason I am still breathing. I am still here. I’ve been a nomad throughout my entire life, moving between groups of people and constantly reinventing myself for reasons I’ve never really been aware of. That ends now. I’m tired, very, very fucking tired of people their bullshit and everything and yet for some reason I carry on. I think things lost their meaning a long time ago. I think I died alone, a long time ago.
A lot has changed for me in the last few months, world views have been shattered, the rosy tinted glasses removed and I’ve realized that even those we hold dearly are much less than perfect, never idolize the people you love because they will disappoint you. They will hurt you. Maybe not intentionally but it will happen. I was burned, and boy did I burn, to ash. From that ash I have forged steel. I’ve reconnected with people and made an effort to be more social because lets face it I’ve been an idiot and I’m pretty sure I deserved this. That isn’t guilt talking, its the truth.
A small hint to any guys or girls looking to lose weight, stress yourself out over a period of three months, you look great afterwards. I may hate myself intensely but I can at least look in the mirror and say ”you may be a bitter, hateful bastard but damn you look great this morning.”
Anyway I’m rambling, so to sum it up… my life is a downward spiral, train-wreck, blah blah blah…