Ho Ho Fuckin’ Ho

BURNING-CHRISTMAS-TREE
It’s that time of year again, Christmas is fast approaching and someone at payroll thought it’d be an awesome idea to pay everyone on December 21st leaving everyone at the work place with about 3 days to do Christmas shopping. What does this mean for me?
It means that I’m going to be running around like a tit in a trance trying to secure a turkey and the various components of Christmas meal, not to mention the copious amounts of alcohol required to sit through bullshit Christmas TV that hasn’t changed a bit since I was 9 years old. To sum all this up I am not feeling festive at all.

grumpy-cat-christmas-card-memeIt will be a little different this year, one way is that I will be with my family which isn’t as bad as it sounds. The second thing is that we can finally confirm that my sister is not a lesbian as I have long suspected, (Not that I’d have any problem with that, it’s just that the large amount of lesbian jokes I’ve been saving are now useless) she is bringing her boyfriend over for dinner and a few drinks. I am thankful for one thing, Christmas for me doesn’t involve my extended family shitting on my life choices over cheap champagne. I am lucky to not have to deal with my extended family, they either hate us, don’t care or think they’re better than us which is laughable to me.

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One thing that is going to suck is my SO being so far away. That will be the single worst thing about this Christmas, it will suck but I will have to grin and bear it. Back to the craziness, I have to somehow reserve a turkey. Get all the other ingredients and secure the alcoholic beverages all while paying the rent/taxes/bills/everything else because the local authority will give no quarter. They’d rather see us homeless than receive their money a little late. So that effectively cuts my four days into two or maybe even one making everything much harder than it needs to be. As everyone over the age of 18 knows, Christmas doesn’t just happen adults bust their asses to make this one day run smoothly so please if you walk into your parents bedroom and see them snorting Zoloft be understanding and supportive.

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To make everything worse, in the biggest dick move possible, gas companies have upped their prices just before Christmas. To explain this before Americans get confused: When I say gas I refer to the gas that our stoves runs off and not the gas you put in your car. Anyway where I’m from gas is metered, you have a card and you put money on it and insert it into the meter which then allows you to heat your home until it runs out. With gas prices increased the money on your meter doesn’t last as long meaning you’re in the fucking cold if you don’t have money. It’s happened to us many times in the last month. All of this means that everyone is spending more on gas on top of extortionate rent rates and other fees leaving less for Christmas. Fuck British Gas. Seriously. Their actions are criminal.
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It’s December 10th right now and I can’t wait for it to be over. For me, the magic of Christmas in long dead. The most magical it gets for me is that delirium I enter after that 5th drink and a few hours of over eating. The more time I spend in this country the more I hate it. It just feels as if the bank account is being fucked from all angles. By the government, the local government, Gas companies, Electric companies and whoever else can charge for whatever sub-par service they offer. Sure things could be worse but not by much. A lot needs to change in this country and it needs to change soon. I know this man isn’t the root cause but he is a major factor in the clusterfuck this country has become. This is why we can’t have nice things:
DaveyC
You may be wondering why David Cameron is drawn with an eye patch and bond villain beard holding a knife in a threatening ‘your money or your life’ type gesture. It’s because he is robbing us. I was never a huge fan of Tony Blair or Labour but dare I say it, we would have been better off under Labour. They did a lot wrong but they also did a lot right and they actually gave a fuck about the people who struggle to pay the rent and put food on the table. Nick Clegg has shown himself to be highly ineffective. I can see myself voting Labour in the next election. Hell I can see myself voting for anyone who can get this waste of space out of political office.

Santa is earning his glass of whiskey and bakewell tarts this year and Rudolph and co are going to need a heavy dose of SSRI’s for the PTSD that this year’s Christmas rush is going to produce. It’s a damn good thing we don’t get presents anymore or this whole thing would be even more difficult than it already is.

Peace on earth, Goodwill to all men and all of that idealistic bollocks.
Misanthropist.

P.S. I shit candy canes and festivity right now…

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