My peers make my skull hurt and I live in a grave-pit of industry.
Today I awoke on a Sunday. Which usually means a crappy day of nothing. I usually detest Sundays for many reasons. No matter where I am Sunday still seems to suck. It seems like whatever way I go about it Sundays are always crap. This Sunday was different, I went downstairs for coffee and a cigarette and then set out for a short walk to the shops. It seemed like an okay Sunday. It could have even been a good one but then a friend showed up. I took it upon myself to get clean and change and go out. I told them him to give me 20mins. I only took 10mins and went outside to meet them. They went to another friend’s place who lives about 2 doors away. This is where it gets bad and our story begins.
I enter my friend’s house and there is now three of us. We were talking about some music and comedy just light conversation and banter they started talking about music. Of course not my kind of music but still some of it was interesting. Then out of nowhere they start talking about fucking X-Factor and this went on for about 15mins, as if it couldn’t get any worse they went on youtube and started to watch the X-Factor auditions for over an hour. With this and my other friend jerking it over his new TV I really couldn’t handle it so I left.
I don’t know what drives three men and one girlfriend to watch X-Factor. I would totally expect that of the girlfriend but of the two other guys in the room. Mind= Blown. I just couldn’t sit and watch one more X-Factor. A while later the first friend and his girlfriend came back to my place and again I went out. Mainly because I didn’t want them in my place on this day. We talk outside my house for just over ten minutes then they leave to see another friend. This guy just happens to be friends of my old friend who I no longer talk too.
All the while my woman is on a family road trip so the contact is minimal. An emergency caused some unforeseen circumstances for me. As I’ve mentioned before the guy I don’t talk was a good friend but he has many problems. One of those is not being able to deal with conflict and getting issues solved. He’s pretty avoidant of his problems in general. So If I went around there I doubt he’d stay or in the unlikely event that he did he would sit in silence or just huff and puff until he left. It wasn’t worth me going really so I didn’t which means I ended up stuck inside.
I had hoped that just relaxing at home would be good and for a time it was, then came dinner time and I haven’t restocked on food so it was some chicken in bread. Not even a sandwich. That was my oversight, it just made today that little bit shittier. I go up to my room because by now I’m just about done. After a few hours I emerged from the pit that is my bedroom. A mess of wires, guitars, game systems, extension chords and all manner of crap. It isn’t much but it’s my personal space I suppose. I used to have a spot where I’d go sit and think.
A little hill in a large industrial area on the outskirts of London. A wonderful place, elevated, windy and overlooking the skeleton of by gone industry in the area. It was always a nice place to be, to clear my head, because some times it’s nice to be alone. Escaping from life and taking a step back like that is always nice. That hill is now on the back of a school, with screaming 16 year olds now. I sometimes miss the old days.
Later on I get onto my computer and through Facebook of all things I have to contact my friend and his girlfriend who left for the other friend’s place. I don’t understand how I need to use Facebook to contact a friend nowadays. The worst part is that this sort of crap is so ingrained now that I didn’t even think to call him instead. Damn I really hate Facebook. I asked how he was doing and if I came up because of obviously that information would be in my interest to know but he says he doesn’t get involved.
These three guys bullshit and gossip like either women or gay men. Telling me nothing was said in front of him and he doesn’t get involved is only a half truth. I know things have been said but no details. I can ask the other friend directly and probably receive a lie or an omission. I appreciate his need to stay neutral in affairs but you’d think a good friend would tell me with the assurance that I will not act on any information I recieve. Still I got nothing.
To round of my shitty Sunday I ate an onion and pepper omelet with toast and tea. It isn’t much but it was just about the highpoint of my day. My peers hurt my skull. Maybe it’s because I’m different. Not in a look at me I’m such a unique snowflake way. Mainly that I really don’t fit in with many of my peers. I mean I can talk, drink, laugh and have a normal conversation with them. I’ll say it but I’ll never really feel it. When some of my friends talk I feel as if I’m just adding to a conversation but am in no way invested in it. It sucks really because I’ve lost a friend whom I could talk to properly, I don’t want to have conversations about football transfers or the fucking X-Factor.
Another thing was that when I logged onto Facebook, my old pool of friends, ex-friends and other people I know or once knew were talking about a shameful TV show called ‘The Only Way Is Essex.’
One has posted that TOWIE is bullshit. I respond with ‘You don’t say.’
He then responds with a negative comment about my time in America and that despite it’s flaws I love the USA. I replied to him saying that he bitches about America but he consumes a large amount of USA based or inspired media. I bet him that his favourite shows are mostly American. I got a like and no response. I had agreed with him in the first place and he still took a little friendly shot at me. Why? What was the point…because of the crowd? I don’t understand.
Maybe things have always been this way and lately I’ve been running on such a high that I didn’t notice. Looks like we’ve hit a low now and I’m just starting to remember how much my peers piss me off and what a hopeless place I live in. It’s not far from the river and it littered with the skeletons of big and local industries. I live in a hopeless shit-hole. Things used to be better, they constantly try to spruce up and revive the area to no avail, wasting money on crap like flowers to line roads and a fucking set of metal poles with blue lights on them, meant to create the effect of driving in the fucking sky. No wonder this place is a graveyard. Because we’re so close to London despite our shitty standards of living things are still too expensive. I saw a damn can of Rockstar Energy for £2.50 or around about $5. That’s crazy.
Things are shitty lately and I have to find a way out of this pit. I really need to get away from here.