House Warming Party.

So after finishing the garden I was invited to the housewarming party. The owners of the garden and house happen to be my friends mother and her husband. Initially I considered avoiding it completely as a lot of annoying people were going to be there something like fifty plus people. Just over half of these people irritate the crap out of me. I prepared by drinking a few beers before I left for the party. My friend’s mother was expecting me to turn up as was my best friend, making the whole thing entirely unavoidable. I couldn’t exactly muster a decent excuse. I considered pushing my mother down the stairs so I could spend the evening in hospital or a police cell.

My friend is a big drinker, his father was too, so it’s a given that he would bring me a drink the moment I hit the door. He brought me something he called a Godfather which should be named The Undertaker. One quart Disaronno, one quart Jack Daniels and Two quarts  Coke also known as a Ferrari Jack. It’s probably one of the strongest drinks I’ve ever had as the second glass went to my head. A few more beers and suddenly everyone is tolerable. So I began to mingle.

For as long as I can remember my friend has been infatuated with this girl who is a real piece of work. We’ve never got along and I one point I truly hated her. I’m not even going to get into the things she’s said and done or the things I’ve said to her. Some terrible things that I’m probably going to hell for. If I’m going to hell she’s going somewhere much, much worse.  It turns out her mother is a total clone of her, now I know where she gets it from. I don’t particularly like either of them. After a few I told her that he loves her and she shouldn’t let him believe he has a chance, because he doesn’t, it’s cruel.

Then his sister’s friends, some of whom were nice girls, the others were annoying catty bitches. I have no time for them nor do I want to hear anything they have to say, I made this clear when one had a shit fit about me listening to their conversations. The few sentences that stuck in my head made it sound like a bad Sex And The City sequel. They were annoying as hell. I just needed to sit down, next to an ashtray and smoke my cigarette. I smoked and got the hell out of there. My friends stepfather is a strange one, he’s pretty lazy and his family are just strange. His work friends are carbon copies of him just younger and one has facial hair. It’s like talking to three clones. I’m surprised they don’t finish each other’s sentences.

I saw some of my friends wider family whom I greeted then quickly got away from, both parties fully satisfied. I think the worst thing was the two guys openly competing for this one girls attention. They were okay to talk to for a while then they started posturing like a pair of idiots so I went into cock block mode, annoying the crap out of them while making them look stupid. I then left promptly as my mother, a friend of the family arrived. I went to drink with her because she may annoy the crap out of me sometimes but at least she’s not an idiot.

In the end about half of the people showed up to the party, the annoying half. My friend’s sister tried to convince me to use a guitar amp as a speaker and I told her it wasn’t happening. My mother left after a while and I really should have gone with her but alcohol and poor judgement got the better of me leading me back there. My friend and that girl got into an argument because she is a hypocrite, her mother is just as bad.  They started on her mother’s boyfriend regarding his use of marijuana, considering they’ve both done it they are hypocritical as fuck. Oh and to give you the view of these two women. The 20-year-old is dating a 40-year-old man, her boss while she has a fiance and leading my friend on all at once. My friend is an idiot. I know.

Eventually I got bored and went home, after grabbing some food,
I would have had more fun with a good book.
I mostly regret going,


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