Or as somebody very dear to me puts it:
“welcome to the world.”
I’m back in England and nowhere near happier for it. I hit british soil and at the same time the realization hits me. I’m back to the reality of the dingey shit hole I happen to call home, don’t get me wrong it’s nice to see family and all but recently being “reminded” I need to get a job hasn’t really helped my mood. I already know I need a damn job but I’m settling back in.
The people I call my friends are as boring as ever, they’re drinking a little more now. Maybe the depression is setting into all of us, maybe I was just an early bloomer. I don’t really feel at home to be honest. It’s nice to see family and friends but it’s just not what I used to anymore. I can’t sit at home because It’s weird being alone now and I don’t have my woman to keep me company. I find myself going crazy at home.
Some of my misanthropy disappeared it seems as I find myself seeking comfort from others to deal with the shock of settling back in. All this to no avail of course. As I said my friends are uninteresting and want to drink to excess, something I’ve grown tired of. I don’t enjoy alcohol as much nowadays.
I’m still smoking, got to quit that.
I finally got a phone, not that I’ll have many people I want to talk or give out my number too.
I finally have a cell, what opportunities will this bring me?
I get the feeling it’ll be a viewing glass for drama and a seldom used messenger device. One good thing is it has the internet. I’d like and iPhone but what is the point?
I think I’m going to take my job hunt more seriously, I think I’ll look for something part-time or agency related so I can get in and out of jobs when it fits my transatlantic schedule. For the most part I’m quite pissed off but I need money, I have objectives and I need to get fit and stay that way.
London is looking bleaker than ever, I think it has just hit me how depressing this place is, I could do with some of that clonazepam. It is infinitely dreary and depressing here. I hate it more than ever and I miss america more than ever. I can’t get used to living here anymore. The whole experience of settling into London life is getting me in a rut.
Things in England are as shitty as ever, it feels like I’ve changed but this place has gotten worse, is there any feeling worse than feeling alien in your own country. Feels like I’m back in the stone age. It sucks.
Well at least I’ll have plenty to post about,