Archive for December, 2011

Misanthropy is cool now?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on December 27, 2011 by MISANTHROPIST

I don’t know why but I seem to have climbed the social ladder here and at home. I worked pretty hard to isolate myself over the years, hence why nobody from school has heard a word about me for 6 years and why I keep denying my girlfriends request to finally become embroiled in the clusterfuck that is Facebook.

What exactly would I say if I had a Facebook. Occupation: transatlantic drifter, misanthrope, asshole. Try to add me: I didn’t like you then and I still don’t. Location: America or England, you decide. My status updates would cause shit, I’d probably get checked into AA or something. Facebook probably won’t fare well for me as a misanthrope.

In America I assume it’s because I’m exotic and they find my drinking and smoking somewhat different to what they are used to. I can’t believe none of them have ever been to a rave before. Back home maybe it’s the guitar and misanthropic charm. I really don’t know. Everyone seems to love my opinions on people and insight which is actually realistic cynicism. Suddenly I’m invited out more and everyone wants to know me. I find it strange and annoying.

I seem to have become more sociable too now, which is beginning to worry me. In school I was a ghost and now I’m suddenly the man of the hour it is taking some getting used to. I’m more popular than I have ever been for no reason at all. Maybe people perceive me as interesting now, to me I’m exactly the same as I was in highschool just with less pot. Oh and too all you naysayers I passed with flying colors.

No matter how sociable I become I will still hate most people I meet. I will still try to avoid being sociable at all costs. Honestly, I only posted this because I am kinda bewildered that people find me that likable.



My girlfriend’s male friends are bitches and here’s why.

Posted in General, Idiotic groups/people, Love, Men, People, Relationships with tags , , , , , , on December 27, 2011 by MISANTHROPIST

I never considered myself a specimen of manliness before but I’m beginning to reconsider that view of myself. I taught myself to shave for lack of a father figure, I fired a few guns but I never went hunting, I can drink down a bottle of whiskey but as far as I know that doesn’t make you a man.

My girlfriend has a good few male friends, now I know men who feel threatened by their girlfriends male friends but I couldn’t feel threatened by them if I tried and here is why.

The first guy, was a pretty cool guy until I found out he is probably with my girlfriends arch-enemy for her money. He lost points that day. Secondly he is totally whipped which is pretty sad. I love my girlfriend but I’d never be pussy whipped that way. It’s just kinda sad that guys let their girlfriend control their life. You might be thinking that we all know one whipped guy but this guy is special. He had to take a photo of where he was to prove he wasn’t lying to her. Then he couldn’t attend my girlfriends birthday because mega bitch has him on a short leash. He can’t even talk to my girlfriend because she will bitch him out. The best part is they aren’t even having sex. He’s pussy whipped without the pussy.

The second is an emotional maxi pad for all the women he knows, my girlfriend likes him as a friend and feels bad for the guy. He can be okay but he gets all down over problems that he has the power to solve. He messages her every day, it seems to me like he hopes to be with her one day which is kinda sad because we are solid. Think every foul bachelor frog you have ever seen crossed with the forever alone guy. He is more depressive and emotional than any goth or emo that ever lived. He kinda annoys me a little, the entertainment value from his Virginia accent is priceless though.

The third is her best friends ex who can only be described as a wonderdouche. They are obviously no longer friends but this guy is a grade A dick. I’d like to physically harm him one day. He thinks he is hot shit because he plays in a band when in reality he is just shit.

Our fourth and final guy is the psycho ex who keeps trying to no avail. He once threatened to kill me to which I responded “good luck with that, if you miss with that shotgun you better start running because I will destroy you before you can reload”
This guy is the scum of the earth, he is also a little bitch. Threatening to kill me be because his ex had the sense to find someone better. Oh wells, I’m just glad he disappeared. He is probably dead or something, again I couldn’t fill a matchbox with the fucks I give.

It’s not just my girlfriends male friends who are bitches, it seems to be most guys born after 1990. What the hell happened to being a man. You know like manning up and dealing with your problems, replacing emotions with shots of jack, standing up for yourself and punching out the guy that just hit you in the face for no reason. None of those things really make you a man but by today’s standards it’s the closest you’ll get to a real man.

I barely ever watch sports unless it’s my team playing a final or UFC, even then it isn’t mandatory. My fashion sense goes as far as wearing suits to occasions and plaid shirts with 501’s. I realized recently that I’m a little old-fashioned when it comes to the way I act. I don’t do metrosexual crap and i won’t kiss a guy because the drunk girls find it hot.
Guys today are worse than women most of the time. A lot of attention whoring going on to. I’d never be a woman’s emotional maxi pad or psycho stalker. What the fuck is up with the second half of my generation and all that followed after them.

Turns out that I’m more of a man than I thought.

Switching to rolling tobacco was an awesome idea.

Posted in America, cool stuff, General, Smoking with tags , , , , , , on December 27, 2011 by MISANTHROPIST

Here are a few reasons that switching to rolling tobacco was a good idea.

1. It saved me money.

2. It smokes faster saving time.

3. People are less likely to attempt to bum smokes from me, which is always good.

4. If they do manage to get one then they have to roll it adding to the inconvenience of bumming smokes from me.

5. If I want more alone time I can roll a cigarette as big as I want it, smoke breaks are also known as alone time.

6. I seem to get more of a nicotine hit from rolling tobacco. I’d like to know if there’s any science to back up my theory.

7. They go infinitely further than a 20 pack.

I do miss normal cigarettes but I’d recommend going to rolling tobacco if you are short on cash or for whatever reason. The smoke shops are fun too, cigars, unusual brands of cigarettes, supplies and you get to laugh at the pot heads who can’t string a sentence together, as a bonus you get to wonder how the hell they drove there.

Merry Misanthropic Christmas

Posted in America, Christmas, England, Foods, General, Misanthropy, Music, People, Relationships with tags , , , , , on December 27, 2011 by MISANTHROPIST

I recently spent my first Christmas away from home. I had my first Thanksgiving which is basically Pre-Christmas. I got some great gifts this year, you know you have a perfect girlfriend when she gets you the Misanthropes guide to life.

I couldn’t help feeling the good will this year. I drank 15 Budweiser and was really festive, entered a church for the first time and didn’t burn to a pile of ash. I love my girlfriend but wonder if church on Christmas eve is really worth it. One of the guys up front speaking looked like Sheldon from big bang theory which helped a lot. I awoke on Christmas day with a nasty hangover from all the drinking the night before. My girlfriend tells me I’m awesome when I’m drunk. I was able to get out of bed eventually due to hugs, coffee and aspirin. I had a decent breakfast and felt somewhat better, that’s code for functional!

My girlfriends birthday is only a few days after Christmas so I basically get 3 Christmases this year. After calling my family to let them know I am still breathing I smoked a nice cigar and enjoyed 20 mins of peace and quiet. Then came dinner, a huge dinner with more food than I have ever seen on one table. My girlfriend and her family are pretty awesome.

After looking at a few of gramps guns recently I came to a conclusion. Guns should be legal in the UK so I can let a few rounds off into the air when my neighbor plays the fucking organ at 3am to the tune of star wars. On second thought its a good thing they are illegal or I’d take a shotgun to his organ or organs, your choice. I also discovered mikes hard lemonade and that my girlfriend is still full of surprises. That’s why I love her.

American christmas is awesome. Thanks again America.
I’d give you a better update but I’m between typing this out, deciding whether to drink more and talking to my girlfriend about laptop repairs and the PSN network. Oh god she’s discovered YouTube and various other internets, we’re all doomed. I almost won 3000 on the state lottery, just one crown away!

It’s been an awesome Christmas so far and new year promises to be better. More updates coming soon.