Archive for September, 2011

You are someone else, I am still right here.

Posted in Death, Misanthropy, People with tags , , , , , on September 13, 2011 by MISANTHROPIST

Ever noticed how all your friends are slowly fading out?
Everyone seems to think they’ll have that one friend forever, I’d allow myself to believe that but it’d do me no good. They all go away in the end. You might send cards on birthdays and christmas or get the occasional phone call if you’re lucky but I highly doubt that. In my case I suppose I’m lucky that my friend is as much of a train wreck as I am. I’d be an even worse person If I didn’t encourage him to change that, I am jumping ship so it’s only fair for me to encourage him to help himself. It sounds strange coming from me but I’m kinda concerned where he’ll end up in ten years.

I started life without a plan, a purpose, I found it later on in life. From aged 13 up until two years ago there was no yesterday and no tomorrow, I went with the flow and I count myself lucky I found something to live for because if I hadn’t who knows where I’d be right now. My friendship has completely sunk and as I said before there was never anything to save.

I have changed but I never lost myself, I am still right here. They’ve all changed, that is life, they forgot who it was who would help them out and talk to them realistically about their problems. They forget who was there for them. They find something better and move on. I don’t feel like I’m owed anything. Through life I’ve helped people and once they’re okay they move on, I don’t expect a thank you or anything really. I don’t need their praise. This is why I don’t bother making friends. If somebody wants me or needs me they know where I am.

It’s pessimistic, cynical and whatever you want to call it but it’s true
‘Everyone I know goes away in the end.’
People have jobs, girlfriends and whatever but it isn’t like they don’t have time to come and see you they just won’t you’re not that important and it’s quite likely that you never were. Depressing isn’t it?
I’m past the point of caring, it all fades with time. It’s kinda antique by now. Me and my long time friend will sometimes sit with a few beers and talk about how we saw it coming and watched the friendship sink. It isn’t as if we could do anything about it. Everyone has their own separate thing now whatever it may be, they’ve changed and we are still right here.

Here’s the beautiful thing, life’s cruel joke. The men in his family have all died of cancer. I’m fairly certain he is next. I give him until he’s 40 at best. He’s a heavy smoker and drinker. He knows he’s going to die before his time and accepts it. Even he will go away eventually. One way or another everyone is taken from you. In a world like this, a good person like him, destined to die and extremely painful death from cancer, you tell me there’s a god and he loves us.

I feel like a coward sometimes for leaving the country and never coming back but I have plans. I will not die on this rock and I will not sit and watch my best friend slowly die. Maybe I am a coward but I cannot do that. Even more bitter is when your family change on you and you’re some sort of pariah because you have aspirations that involve helping yourself to go up in the world.

Ah the old familiar sting. I will remember all of it and when they want me it will bite them in the ass. I am starting again thousands of miles from home. I’m going to find my own way. London drags you down, it tries to consume you, killing your hopes and dreams. No matter how far you go she’ll always call you home. Ignoring the call is the best possible thing one can do. I’m here for now but soon I will be gone and the ghost of my past will walk these streets. I hope they don’t wonder where I am because I won’t be wondering about them. You help people, they leave when they’re okay, they come back when it goes wrong but this time I won’t be here.

Misanthropist.

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Music that hurts.

Posted in Music with tags , , on September 13, 2011 by MISANTHROPIST

It’s no mistake to say these days are the best and worst days of my life. When I’m feeling like crap, which seems to be pretty often these days I enjoy listening to some depressing music. I’m guilty of this one. I don’t know why. It solves nothing and makes you feel like crap but it also makes you feel better.
So here’s the list:

Johnny Cash- Hurt.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o22eIJDtKho
  • I love and hate this song. It’s much better than the NIN original and the only song to ever physically make me want to cry.

    Jeff Buckley- Hallelujah

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8AWFf7EAc4&ob=av2e
  • There’s just something about this song that makes it better than all other versions.

    Queens of the stoneage- Long slow goodbye.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLji1buqZOk
  • I love this song, though it hurts to listen to. Go through a break up and hear this.

    Nirvana- You know you’re right.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Iho1V–8G4
  • All those times you knew you were right, this song kind of reminds me to trust my instincts and never forget the pain I’ve been through.

    I’m pretty sure I’ll add more to this, even so these songs are depressing but amazing in their own right.
    Misanthropist

    A thank you.

    Posted in Uncategorized on September 3, 2011 by MISANTHROPIST

    I’ve known her for many years now, it’s been a long time but when I look at it, it doesn’t seem that long at all. All of us have someone who has always been there. Through the years I’ll admit I’ve been a tough act to follow. That just makes me respect her even more. I’m difficult, that’s a known fact. She never gave up on me, a lot of people have. I get everything I need from her. She’s also the only person I couldn’t ever bring myself to hate. The one person I don’t find fault with. Nobody is perfect but she’s close. In a world where a lot is wrong she’s always been right. Right for me.

    All of this certainty allows me to care even less about the day-to-day crap. I have a plan, a whole life ahead of me. I have no idea where it’ll take me but I know I’m not stuck. I was stuck before. Being stuck is like being at a lock-in at a dive bar. You’re there with a group of people you don’t particularly care for or want to be around. All you can do is sit and get drunk. Monotony is the music, it’s a prison you can leave at any time but you enjoy the music and you’re drunk on your sorrow. Only after someone snaps you out of it do you realize that you’ve been dancing to the same song all along. I’ve been in a rut before. She kicked my ass back to reality, I confronted my problems that I was intent on avoiding. When you get a reality check you’re forced to confront everything you’re trying to avoid. When you realize that you’ve loved someone since you met them and it’s on the table, it is time to make a decision.

    I made my decision and I’m better off for it. It set in motion a chain of events that would force me to rethink my decisions and my actions. In all it gave me motivation to do something with my life at a time when I had none. I’d say I’m a complex individual, it’s hard enough to become my friend or even get to know me let alone getting into my head and knowing me like she does. I have walls, they’re there for a reason. You have to traverse a great wall of china before being close to getting to know me. This is mainly because I don’t like people, they’re trouble and I’d rather avoid them and everything that comes with them. I’d never come across someone who acted without an agenda. It was completely disarming.

    We’re both stubborn as fuck. When we first met we’d have to extract information from each other, like a game and when one would eventually get the other to talk about what was wrong we both felt better for it. I never wanted to see her suffer and if she did it bothered the crap out of me. For the first time in my life making someone feel better made me happy. Honestly I never knew what love was until recently. I’d never loved or been loved so I was naive. I hurt her sometimes. I am far from perfect, ‘fucked up’ has been thrown around more than once. I wouldn’t say I’m fucked up. I just refuse to tolerate people and I see things for what they are. I don’t make excuses for people. It is what it is, nothing more.

    Hurting someone you love isn’t something that comes back to you straight away, it gets you later. I still pay for it now sometimes. I regret my actions. I was never unfaithful just somewhat absentee. So wrapped up in my own problems I didn’t realize what I had. She stuck around which I’m forever grateful for. I’m an asshole now, growing up I was a mega-asshole. I am sorry for that. She has always made me happy, been there for me when I needed her and loved me unconditionally, for that I consider myself blessed and extremely grateful.

    I never believed you could suddenly fall for someone, you might meet one person in your entire life who you just click with, like puzzle pieces. I never believed there was such thing as a good person, or that love could be without conditions. She’s shown me that there is an exception to every rule. I’ve learned more from her than any class, any painful experience. I love her even more for that. Maybe it’s misanthropy but I am loyal to her because I love her, there isn’t going to be another her and I realize I’m luck to have her. Her personality allows me to avoid many common relationship problems. I listen to my friends, when I’m not drowning them out, talking about their relationship problems. Things I’ve never had to deal with, solved by honesty and not being retarded.

    I’ve got a lot to thank her for, it’s been many years, she’s always been with me and I’m always going to keep her around. She got past every defence, my tendency to push people away and she earned my full trust which is something yet to be achieved by any other person I have met. I do not need anything in the world as long as I have her. I’ve grown a lot in the last few years, she may or may not know that she was the catalyst of change. I owe her, more than she’ll ever know. I love her and I’ll always love her. She’s an amazing girlfriend and much more. Thanks for everything. I’ve been far from perfect but she’s always loved me, cared about me and respected me, showing a devotion that I never thought possible.

    Misanthropist.

    As tragic as it is I couldn’t resist.

    Posted in Death, Uncategorized with tags , on September 3, 2011 by MISANTHROPIST

    I really don’t know what to say about this, all boys have that stage when they discover that their penis is for more than just pissing. We all went through that exploration stage but this takes it to the extreme.

    A boy died after masturbating 42 times non stop. This is real. I didn’t even believe it at first. I saw the article translated. It’s from brazil. I do not have a link to it but if you search google you’ll find it.

    I still don’t even know what to say. I’m so suprised by this I had to post about it. All I can say is:
    What the fuck?

    I’m seriously considering changing my surname.

    Posted in General, Misanthropy, People on September 3, 2011 by MISANTHROPIST

    NO

    I’ve been extremely bored of late, the kind of bored when you have a big plan, one which requires you to be patient before it comes to fruition. The waiting has left me more irritable than usual. People are annoying me with more ease than ever before. I guess I’m just stressed. I’ve taken to TV to ease the boredom and it just isn’t working. That’s all besides the point.

    In a short break between arguments that i’d been having I sat down in a long moment of silence and began to watch James Bond. It’s old but I’ve liked it ever since I could remember. It wasted an hour or more which is good when you’ve got absolutely nothing to do. Just lately people are constantly asking me questions and to do things for them. Usually things that have little to no benefit for me and things that I cannot be bothered to do.

    The particular Bond movie I had been watching was the first to be adapted from a set of novels, none of which I’ve read. Still reading my philosophy and focusing on the aforementioned list I set for myself.
    The movie is titled Dr.No, the antagonist named Julius No (pictured above) aims to destroy the world or something. I know you’re not interested. If you are the look it up, google it or something. Anyway, I love the name No. I began thinking how it would benefit me, which I’m pretty sure it would.

    People could ask me for things while at work, I’d ignore them and when they call me by my surname I’d reply ‘exactly.’
    My I.D’s would all say ‘No.’
    It’d save me time rejecting people I could point to an I.D or say ‘What’s my name?’
    I could overuse No without seeming overly negative. I’d be Mr.No, Dr.No, No.MD. It just sounds great.
    No can be used as a generic response and. No is a wonderful word. I’ve long preached the advantages of saying no. Too many people are afraid to say it. I’ve never known why.
    The word of the day is: No.
    Come to think of it I can overuse ‘how about no’
    Yeah I’d like to be named No.

    Consider this an update. I will be posting more soon.

    Misanthropist.